


Aisles

by okayyhmm



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Gay Remus Lupin, M/M, Marauders, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, No Smut, POV Remus Lupin, Pining, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 34,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29342574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okayyhmm/pseuds/okayyhmm
Summary: COMPLETED - Remus starts working at a Tesco's and begins a long journey of realising that everything he knew about himself might be wrong...Slowburn Wolfstar Muggle AU - slight trigger warning for eating disorders (character in recovery but brief mentions of a past situation are mentioned, nothing too explicit but please be warned and look after yourself :))Features other Marauders characters; inspired by Blends by rvltn909 (on AO3).This fanfic is also posted on Wattpad (same username) if you prefer that format!Please leave any constructive criticism or suggestions in the comments, I'd love to hear them!
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 33
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

Thursday, September 12th

Remus might have fucked up his interview - or just the first half. At least, that's what his brain was telling him.

Sure, he'd had a bit of experience in retail, sure he had excellent references (which may have just been faked by his mate Mary but no one needs to know that). He had been so nervous in the interview, stumbling over his words, and no one wants to hire someone who can't have a five minute chat without profusely sweating. 

"I really don't know how selective Tesco's are in hiring aisle-stackers," He could hear Mary's words in his head but Remus was far too stressed to agree to any kind of logic right now.

"And besides, how desperately do you want to work at Tesco's anyway? You should've applied with me at the record shop!" Mary (the lucky bitch) was working at probably the only record shop in their area of London. Remus had bitten his tongue so as to not mention it might be because she wore a very low-cut top to her interview - however she had gotten the job, he didn't care, he just didn't think wearing a scoop-neck would get the same results for him.

Besides, Remus found the work to be relaxing. Each time he'd been in to see Mary whilst she was working, she'd been either dealing with some pretentious fuck-boy or fifty year old man who complained bitterly about the 'youths these days and their dismissal of 'real music''. Remus would take pensioners and stressed mums with prams any day.

Remus had been answering questions during the interview - the usual rubbish about 'greatest weaknesses', that kind of stuff - when he had heard voices coming closer.

His interviewer, a petite woman with bright red hair and a mischievous smile (Lily, she had introduced herself as), had rolled her eyes and promptly yelled:

"Oi! James, Sirius, get back to work, I'm still doing interviews!" 

James/Sirius (Remus wasn't sure which - this one had unruly dark hair and glasses and looked to be about 6'2, only a couple inches shorter than Remus) ducked his head into the small office.

"Sorryyy, Lils, but some kid threw up in the frozen section and we have to rock-paper-scissors who cleans it up, and you told us not to do that in front of the customers," The man said, with a sly smile that looked anything but apologetic, and he ducked his head back.

"Oi, Prongs, best of three yeah?" Came the other James/Sirius from the hall. "Okay, rock, paper, scissors! Fuck. Go again. Rock, paper... Oh for fuck sake..." And with more swearing and a cackle of glee, the voices faded as the two men left to head back into the front of the mini-supermarket.

Lily apologised for them, rolling her eyes, but Remus could tell she was amused. The whole interaction and camaraderie of the group gave Remus an odd swell of emotion and also the motivation to fake some confidence for the rest of the interview - besides, this shop was right on his bus route. 

\--<>\--

Friday, September 13th

"Come out tonighttttt!" Mary sang through the phone.

"No."

"Oh, come on, Remus! It's student night! Drinks are half off!"

"No. Tired."

"I will let you into my Spotify Premium account,"

Remus considered the offer.

"Fine," Remus sighed, hanging up the phone as Mary squealed her delight. 

He was out of his flat and on the way to the student bar within twenty minutes, denim jacket collar popped up and a woollen hat crammed onto his head. He fished his earbuds out of his pocket and enjoyed a few minutes of real, proper music before he had to endure the tunes of the Three Broomsticks - one time they had genuinely played Jess Glynne with no remorse.

"Lupin!" Mary tackled Remus the minute he walked through the door, pulling him into a bear hug. 

"Macdonald," Remus smiled at her. She pulled him over to the bar and ordered for him, before erupting into a rant about the week she had. 

"And then, to top it all off, Callum asked me to meet his parents when we had only been on two dates together. Weird, no?" Remus nodded in agreement.

"So, my point is that I would like to get so pissed that the only thing I'm worried about is falling over and breaking my nose," Remus, again, nodded in agreement.

He had met Mary in school, working on a modern production of Macbeth in year 10 - Mary was Lady Macbeth, of course, and Remus worked lighting (mainly so that he could put an extra-curricular on his UCAS form). Their friendship had blossomed after the curtains almost went up on Mary snogging the ghost of King Duncan but Remus had intervened with a blackout, saving Mary the embarrassment and the audience utter confusion about the storyline ('I don't remember this happening when I saw it at the Old Vic...').

They had spent quite a lot of their GCSE year chugging vodka in a McDonald's car park whilst crying about their problems - school, parents, relationships, the lot. Mary had been there for Remus in a time when he didn't really have anyone else. Sometimes Remus felt she knew him better than he knew himself.

They'd both gone to Imperial College London, only Remus had had deferred entry so was only at the start of his second year, compared to Mary's last. They lived in buildings nearby each other and occasionally "joked" about having an unhealthy reliance on each other (even though they both knew that a life without each other in it was a very bleak one indeed).

Remus danced with Mary and some of the other students she had brought along - there were the familiar faces of the twins Gideon and Fabian, Dorcas, a few others and someone else who had either been Molly or Holly, Remus wasn't completely listening when she had introduced herself. He had been having a grand old time until some idiot had the bright idea of playing Dua Lipa and Remus sloped off for another drink.

"Oh, my, God. Fancy seeing you here!" Remus twirled around to the speaker, and after waiting a moment for his eyes to focus (Christ, he was drunker than he had thought), he recognised the flash of red hair as the interviewer from this morning. She had a relaxed smile on her face (probably to do with the cocktail in her hand) and she reached forward to hug Remus. 

"I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you - you got the job!" Lily squealed, sounding almost as delighted as Remus felt.

"Seriously? I did?"

"Yeah, course! To be honest, we were a bit biased considering the other interviewees were like way older. We pride ourselves on our teamwork and cooperation and think you'll fit in great, considering we are all around the same age, you know?" As Lily continued, Remus felt a smile grow. "And I thought you'd be a nice calming presence on us all - we can get a bit out of hand, just a warning!"

"Well, I'll text you the details about your first day, your number was on the form, right? Right. See you, Remus!" Lily hugged him again in farewell before rejoining the crowds behind her. Remus stood for a minute before also turning back to rejoin Mary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I feel like it should be canon that Remus is a music snob lol
> 
> \- Tesco's is a branch of supermarket in the UK (might be other countries as well, I'm not sure). 
> 
> \- If you aren't sure what UCAS is, it's like a CV but specifically for getting into universities.
> 
> \- GCSE's are the external exams that year 11s (15/16 year olds) take.
> 
> \- Imperial College London is a university in London (duh) that's quite hard to get into.
> 
> \- The "Old Vic" is a theatre in London


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There's a homophobic comment made in this chapter.

Monday, September 16th 

"Hey, Remus! Come here to the back," Lily called the moment Remus stepped through the doors of the shop. It was 1:45 on a Monday, fifteen minutes before Remus' first shift. The mini-Tesco was relatively empty: an elderly couple in the free-from aisle and a teen eyeing the liquor behind the tills. 

Remus followed Lily into the back (which was more of a glorified stock-room with a table, hooks, a few lockers, coffee machine and the small "office" that Remus' interview had been in. The office had a desk with a computer, two chairs and a few boxes filled with papers). Lily handed him a folded uniform and shooed him into a bathroom. She spoke to him through the door as he changed:

"So I'll give you a quick run-down of the shop, how things work, stuff like that. I know I said a little bit at the Three Broomsticks - great pub, though, right? - but I don't really remember what I said so it would be unfair for me to expect you to remember either. There's not many of us here - I'm manager, of course, and then Marlene is our newest (only a few months she has been here), she's great you'll love her, and then there's Sirius and James - went to school with them and against my better judgement, I gave them good references. Nah, just kidding, they work hard when they want to - don't tell them I've said something nice about them but they're chill, you'll like them. 

"Frank has worked here a year longer than me but he works kind of sporadically? If you need someone to cover a shift, he's great for that but if you also go two months without seeing him at all, that's also normal. And then Alice did work here before, but she's moved on (hence hiring you) - I'm only mentioning her because Frank and her are joined at the literal hip, married couple I swear, so you will see her whenever you see Frank. Great, girl, I promise..." Remus got the feeling that Lily was very talkative but he was not complaining - she had calmed some of the nerves that had been plaguing him that morning. Changed, he pulled open the bathroom door. Lily turned to him and said,

"Ah, great, it fits," Remus' face twitched indiscernibly in response, "See, I forgot to ask how tall you were but I see my estimate was appropriate," 

"Okay, so James should be finishing up now, he's been here since 7, poor guy... I'll walk you through the day until about.. 5? Yeah, 5. Take an hour lunch break at some point, too. And then you and Sirius will pretty much have the run of the place until close. I'll tell him to be nice don't worry,"

"Tell who to be nice?" Remus turned to see the new voice and had to work excruciatingly hard to not just collapse, because in front of him was the single most attractive person he had seen in his life. Like, Greek god type shit - high cheekbones, mischievous grey eyes, longish dark hair, and an eyebrow piercing (of course an eyebrow piercing). Remus suddenly felt very insignificant standing next to this piece-of-art.

"Ah, Sirius! This is Remus Lupin, and you better be on your best behaviour..." Lily mock-scolded. Remus found it in himself to make eye contact with Sirius, who was staring at him intently, and smiled tightly.

"Alright, now I'll get you going by explaining the till..." Lily whisked him away, much to his relief.

\--<>\--

"So, Remus Lupin, huh? That's almost as bad as Sirius," It was 4:30 and Remus had been left alone to restock the tins when Sirius sidled up to him. Remus dropped the can of chickpeas he was holding in shock. 

"Yeah... Wolf-Wolf," Remus replied, bending down to pick up the tin he dropped and hiding his flushed face.

"Heard it'll be just us from 5," Sirius said casually. Remus dropped the tin again and swore under his breath. "We don't get many customers at night, too near the big Sainsbury's, so I thought I'd take the time to show you the tricks of the trade that Lily wouldn't - she's too straight-lace, y'know,"

"She's the manager, isn't that kind of her job?"

Sirius shrugged in response.

"Heard you all went to school together?" Remus said, having pulled himself together enough to maintain the conversation.

"Yeah, Prongs and I - sorry, I mean, James - have known each other since we were like eleven. Lily went to the nearby girls school but we all went to the same sixth form college," Sirius replied as he wordlessly began to assist Remus in the shelf-stacking. "Your accent - not from London, are you?" 

"Moved from Wales for Uni," 

"Ah, what are you studying?" Sirius asked.

"History at Imperial. Did you go to Uni?"

"Nah. Was meant to study economics at Cambridge but you know, life got in the way," Sirius replied vaguely. Remus scolded himself for the flicker of surprise that he felt. Cambridge? Remus hadn't even gotten in to Cambridge - not that Imperial was easy to get into. Remus felt the stirrings of something (jealousy?) in his stomach - smart and hot? Not fair. He turned to Sirius (having summoned the confidence to make eye contact) and said:

"So, what are the tricks of the trade?"

\--<>\--

It was half hour till closing and Remus felt absolutely shattered with exhaustion. Sure, the work was hard but what was harder was the effort of trying to seem like a Cool Person to Sirius (for some voice in his head had told him it was very important that Sirius found him cool). His face hurt from meeting the social cues of "smile at joke, raise eyebrow to show irony, make frequent eye-contact but don't stare". Sirius really had shown the 'tricks of the trade' - among other things, Remus got a 30% staff discount, learnt how to hide stuff from customers if he wanted to buy it himself later and how to not smash jars of jam when pushing a bunch of them onto shelves at once. They hadn't spoken about anything else but work, but that was alright. Why would Remus expect anything different?

Remus stood idly at the checkout, the shop completely empty. Sirius had snuck off for a five minute smoke break which gave Remus the chance to relax - being social with people for hours at a time was hard, even harder when they were completely perfect and therefore made Remus feel like a tiny, minuscule speck of dust. He'd had that stirring sensation in his stomach the entire shift and could not understand it - he'd seen attractive and smart and funny and friendly people before and never felt this level of jealousy. 

Suddenly, the automatic doors swung open and into the shop descended about twenty balding, drunk men jeering. Just round the corner from the shop was a pub, the Hog's Head, which was known to get a little... rowdy on football nights. The location was difficult - attracted Arsenal fans and Man United fans and there were frequent Facebook videos of fist fights in the streets outside the dingy pub. 

The men all started to head towards the tills and Remus started to panic - this was literally his first fucking day and he would have to scan twenty drunk men quickly enough that they don't try and beat him up for taking too long ringing up their Hovis loaves of bread and cider. He started on the first person, praying that Sirius would return from his slightly-longer-than-five-minutes smoke break.

After twenty whole minutes, Remus had gotten to the last person. Sirius was a no-show and Remus was feeling more than a little bit pissed off - the men had heckled him as he checked them out, calling him a "nancy boy" (Remus was very confused at this - he wasn't even gay) and generally stressing him out. The old ladies watching him scan had been pressuring enough, he did not need this. Once he was sure that no one else would come into the shop, he walked to the back and to the backdoor where the bins are (and where Sirius took his smoke breaks). 

"Sirius?" He called out - nothing. He wasn't there. There was a half-smoked cigarette crushed on the ground and a discarded water bottle. Nothing else. Remus gritted his teeth, returned to the shop and closed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to quickly clarify some things to limit confusion! At this point in the story, Remus is working Mondays (half day), Fridays (half day), Saturdays and Sundays (half day - shops are usually open for less hours on a Sunday in the UK, not sure about other places). 
> 
> This does change occasionally during this 'fic.


	3. Chapter 3

Friday, September 20th

On the morning of Remus' second day of work, he stood in his bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror and giving himself a pep talk - he was only doing a half day, so only had to avoid Sirius for a limited time and could instead spending the majority with James and Lily. This was good. At least he could get quite a lot of work done and ignore how the sight of Sirius made him too pissed off to be able to focus.

I mean, who the fuck leaves the new guy alone in the shop? Remus could only hope he'd remembered to lock up right and that the shop hadn't been ransacked overnight - although he probably would have heard from Lily if that happened. And it was only his second day of work; as much as he didn't want to be a doormat - yeah, sure, I'll lock up and serve these twenty customers, you just fuck off home! No problem! - he didn't quite want to start any kind of trouble. They'd all certainly pick Sirius' side, since they'd known each other for years. 

Besides. He barely knew the guy. He could count the things he knew about the guy on one hand, one of them being "his name is Sirius" and another being "he looks like he was carved by gods". He sighed as he got off the bus and headed into the shop. Lily waved at him from the till and Remus headed to the back to put his things inside a locker, before returning to the front of the shop and getting to work.

\--<>\--

It was near the end of Remus shift, when he spied James approaching Lily, just an aisle over from himself - Remus could see the two of them through a gap in the shelf and pretended to be straightening some boxes.. 

"Evans, can we talk?"

Lily stood and frowned up at James.

"Is this about Sirius?"

"Yes,"

"He better have had a good reason for leaving Remus like that, it was fucked up, James, you have to admit,"

"It was, I promise," James sighed deeply and ran a hand through his already messy hair. "Reg showed up, he was waiting out back for him. Told him it was urgent, he was in danger and needed Sirius' help,"

"Oh my god, is he alright?"

"Well, see, that's the fucked up thing. He was fine, it was just an excuse to get Sirius to go with him, back to Grimmauld. They staged a fucking intervention, Lil, it was awful. They all ganged up on him. I mean, he doesn't really care about that bit, they've done that before but it was the whole Reg thing. He feels really betrayed," James sighed again.

"I can give him as much time off as he wants, is there anything else I can do?" Lily wrung her hands.

"Thanks, Lil. Not sure, I'm just trying to be there for him, whilst giving him space, you know? I'm trying to get him another appointment with McGonagall, he always feels better after seeing her,"

"You're a good friend, James. I'll just ring Frank about the schedule,"

\--<>\--

Friday, October 11th

Remus went three weeks without seeing Sirius. He met Frank, met Lily, wrote essays, worked, went out for drinks with Mary, attended lectures. No Sirius.

The atmosphere at work was tense. No one spoke about his absence and Lily and James would often have conferences in the office, leaving Remus alone to man the shop. He picked up some of Sirius' shifts too, grateful for the money. Selfishly, he was glad that he could focus on the work and getting the hang of everything without having to worry about impressing Sirius (as his first shift had been preoccupied by), but as soon as he thought that he cursed himself for his self-absorbedness.

See, Remus could make no sense of the conversation he overheard - Regulus, whoever he was, had tricked Sirius into an intervention of sorts. And an intervention? That had happened before? What was it about? Remus wondered whether Sirius had some weird drug dependency...

\--<>\--

Saturday, October 12th

Late on a Saturday, Lily sidled up to Remus. She was smiling and less tense than she had been since Sirius' leave. 

"So, Rey, you the party type?" 

He looked at her, with a raised eyebrow.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well... James and Sirius are throwing a party tonight and we thought it would be a great opportunity to get to know you outside of work! We'd usually have done drinks way sooner than this, but we've been distracted..." She frowned for a moment. "Anyway! We can leave after closing, I'll give you a lift, please say yes!" She grabbed his hands and widened her eyes into a doe-like expression.

Remus rolled his eyes, laughing.

"Okay, okay, you've persuaded me,"

Lily squealed.

"If you want to bring a friend, invite them! The more the merrier!"

And so, after the shop closed, Remus, Mary, Lily and Marlene packed into a car together headed for James and Sirius' apartment. Remus was just wearing what he'd worn into work that morning and was starting to feel very nervous.

Mary had struck up a lively conversation with Lily and Marlene - of course she did, forever the charmer - and was recounting the very exciting time that she ran into Timothee Chalamet and he called her pretty, when Lily announced.

"We're here!" 

Faint music could be heard from the street outside and Remus looked up at the building, spotting a window lit up by bright purple from strip-LED-lights. The building was nice, with a working lift (unlike Remus' block) and even a receptionist to accept parcels. Lily held in a plastic bag a few bottles of vodka bought with the 30% staff discount and the four of them climbed the stairs, Mary chatting merrily the whole way. 

When they stepped into the apartment, the music got significantly louder, pounding into their ears.

"Come with me to get drinks!" Lily had to shout into Remus' ear. Remus pulled Mary with him, careful not to get lost in the throng of people dancing in James and Sirius' living room. 

They stepped into the kitchen, which only had a few people stood chatting in the corners. The counters were shiny black with marble tops, cluttered with paper cups and discarded bottles. Lily started to pull mixers out of the fridge and set about making the four of them drinks, which they all gratefully accepted. 

"Yo! Remus, my man!" Remus was on his third drink when James stumbled into the kitchen and pulled Remus into a hug.

"Hey, James, thanks for inviting me," Remus grinned, tipsy enough to be relaxed around him. Lily fake scowled until James pulled her into a hug too, and whilst he was there her hugged Marlene, Mary and some other guy who just so happened to be in the kitchen.

"Prongs, my lover, where are you!" Sirius yelled as he, too, entered the room. "I had to be without you for five minutes it was awful," He mock-pouted before he then turned and acknowledged the rest of the people.

"Hey, all, long time no see," 

Marlene and Lily rushed forward to hug him, but (considering he had known the guy for a couple hours), Remus hung back and stayed with Mary - and so it was a surprise when Sirius drunkenly pulled Remus into a hug, just like James. 

"Remus, you a real one - I'm sorry I bailed on the first day but thanks so much, mate, for picking up some of my shifts," Sirius held Remus by the shoulders and said this to him as he maintained eye contact. "But not to worry, I'm back on Monday!"

"Ughhh, no work talk, Pads," James groaned before retreating to the living room, dragging Lily along with him. 

"Hey, Sirius, great party. I'm Mary, a friend of Remus'," Mary said to Sirius. Sirius frowned for a mili-second (unnoticed by all except Remus) before smiling at her and pulling her into a hug too. He grabbed the nearest bottle of vodka and followed James back into the living room, swigging it as he went. 

"Come on, Rem, let's dance!" Mary dragged Remus towards the music.

\--<>\--

The party went on until the early hours. Remus was the drunkest he had been for years to stop himself overthinking his behaviour. He couldn't figure out why he acted different in front of Sirius. It was like Sirius had to find him cool, had to want to be friends with him. He chatted with all the people from work, sung with James and even won a match of beer pong against Sirius.

The party was just winding down when Marlene called Remus over,

"Hey, how are you getting home? I know Lily gave you a lift but there's no way I'm letting her drive home in this state,"

"Oh, its okay, I was planning on getting the bus or something, I'll be fine," Remus replied, although his words were slurring and he was gripping the counter for support.

"Nonsense! Sirius asked me to say that you can stay over," Marlene said.

"No, no, I promise I'll be good, I'll just take the bus," Remus protested, anxious of over-staying his welcome.

"Between you and me, I think he feels bad for what happened on your first day. It would make him happy if he thought he was doing something to make it up to you," Marlene said, raising an eyebrow. To be honest, Remus was grateful. He was worried he'd pass out on the bus and Mary had left an hour ago, she had an early shift. Once the last guest had left, Remus and Marlene took a sofa each and Lily disappeared off with James. They were just chatting before sleeping when Sirius emerged into the living room (almost tripping on the carpet as he went), a glass of water in his hand. He wordlessly set it down in front of Remus, completely ignoring Marlene, before returning to the room he had emerged from.

After a moment of silence, Remus looked at Marlene, who was shaking with silent laughter.

"Is this your water?" Remus asked, confused.

"Nope, that's all for you, sunshine," Marlene replied, grinning. "Sirius is such a sweetheart, isn't he?"

Remus didn't reply, simply raising an eyebrow as he sipped the water. He'd been too scared to root through the boys' kitchen for a glass and his mouth had felt like a desert for the past half hour.

"Goodnight, Remus," Marlene said, before settling down.

Remus stayed awake for a bit, turning thoughts over in his mind before he, too, succumbed to the peace of sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Sunday, October 13th

When Remus woke up, he felt disorientated and it took him a few seconds to realise where he was. He pushed the blankets off, cracked his back and stood up - only to have to collapse back onto the sofa from the arrival of the most painful headache he had ever experienced. Marlene was still sleeping on the sofa opposite and when Remus checked his phone, it read only 9 am. 

He managed to stand up again and was folding up the blanket when Sirius poked his head out of the kitchen and beckoned him over. Remus padded into the kitchen, careful to not wake Marlene. When he entered the room, Sirius handed him another glass of water.

"Thanks," Remus said weakly, rubbing his eyes. 

"No problem. How's your hangover?"

Remus groaned as a response and Sirius smiled tightly before biting his lip in worry.

I really am sorry about your first day. I had to... well. I wouldn't have left you there if I felt like I had another option," Sirius said slowly. Remus looked at him, surprised at how soon he addressed it. 

In the (very) short time that he'd known him, Sirius had always seemed so confident, so... sure of himself. He flirted with customers to keep them happy about wait times, danced as if no one was watching (cliche, I know) and had a self-assured manner in everything that he did.

But now, he looked embarrassed, ashamed even. Remus was about five inches taller than Sirius so had to look down at him a bit. He smiled at him softly.

"It's okay, don't worry about it," He said. He meant it too. Sure, he'd been angry at first but it must have been a big deal from the way everyone was acting. Marlene liked to gossip with him during their shifts together; she explained how protective Lily and James were over him, but in the months that she had worked there, Sirius had never once missed a shift, even showing up when he was hungover. 

Sirius looked instantly relieved, which improved Remus' mood dramatically. He understood why James and Lily felt so protective over him - he was just someone that you wanted to protect. Any moment where he didn't seem confident was just... wrong. 

They each had a cigarette on the balcony, in a comfortable silence, and Remus looked out at the view.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Sirius finally spoke.

"Yeah, I'd kill for a view like this," Remus replied, "My bedroom window looks out onto a literal concrete wall,"

"Yeah, when we moved in a couple years ago this was my favourite part of the whole apartment. It's selling point," Sirius said, his gaze fixed onto the view, too. "Do you ever miss Wales?"

Remus shook his head. "I'd always wanted to come to London, I loved the busyness, the buildings. It didn't disappoint,"

"The thing I love about London is how different it is from one area to the next. This is nothing like the part that I grew up in," 

They stayed on the balcony talking for another few minutes before Sirius said,

"I've got to go run some errands, but help yourself to any food, coffee, stuff like that. See you at work on Monday, Remus," Sirius smiled kindly at Remus before stubbing out his cigarette and leaving the balcony, a hand raised in goodbye. Remus stayed for a few more minutes before quietly grabbing his stuff and taking the bus home.

\--<>\--

Monday, October 14th

"So, how long have you and your girlfriend been together?" Sirius said, as he walked into the backroom in the five minutes before the two began their shift. Remus paused for a moment to look around, to see who Sirius was talking to because it absolutely could not be him.

"Mary? Brought her to the party?" Sirius repeated, his forehead wrinkled slightly in confusion. Remus choked on the coffee he was drinking and started laughing.

"Oh, no, no, no, Mary is like my sister, that would be so weird," Remus said, once he'd stopped choking. "

"So, you aren't together?" Sirius asked, leaning against the wall.

"Nope," Remus said. He paused for moment. "Actually, she's recently single if you wanted her number or something?"

Sirius' eyes sparkled with amusement. 

"Sure, Remus, thanks," He said, patting him on the back as he left the backroom, without waiting for the number.

\--<>\--

_Hey, Lily, this is Remus - I was wondering if you had Sirius' number?_

**_hey, yeah, sure thinggg :)) *Contact Number: Sirius Black*_ **

_Thanks!_

\--<>\--

_Hey, Sirius, this is Remus. I got your number from Lily, I hope that's okay. I have Mary's number here, in case you still want it *Contact Number: Mary Macdonald*_

Remus typed out the message to Sirius as soon as Lily had replied. He hadn't told Mary about it, a bit confused about Sirius not actually waiting for the number and didn't want to get her hopes up. She hadn't explicitly said she was interested, in fact she hadn't spoken about him at all, but what girl wouldn't be attracted to Sirius? He was very attractive, funny and kind.

Remus lay on his bed, softly massaging his aching shoulders, tight from the effort of lifting at work. The shift had been a good one - the shop was slow and he had spent the majority of the time with Sirius, who was showing him even more 'tricks of the trade' (which basically seemed like work-shortcuts but Remus wasn't going to complain).

He realised now that Lily had sent him Sirius' full name and got curious, pulling open Google; but if Remus had wanted to stalk Sirius' online presence before now, he probably would have found him relatively quickly, even without his last name. I mean, who the fuck names their child "Sirius"?

_"I'm actually the third Sirius Black in my family," Sirius had said a couple hours earlier, when they got back onto the topic of their weird names._

__

"Seriously?" Remus had laughed.

__

"Yeah, my family has a weird tradition of naming their children after constellations - my cousin is called Andromeda, for example. What, there's no other Remus Lupin's in your family? You aren't Remus Lupin IV?" Sirius joked.

__

_"Nah. My dad is called Lyall, though, which is still unusual, I guess,"_

Remus typed into his search bar _Sirius Black_ and waited for it to load. And when it did, a lot more than an Instagram or a Facebook showed up.

_Black Family scandal - oldest son disowned!_

_Black Family refuses to comment on Sirius Black rumours_

_Regulus Black takes on job in Black Co. amid rumours of family feud!_

Remus sucked in a breath and clicked on the third link, scanning the page quickly. So, it seems Regulus (or Reg), the guy who had tricked Sirius into the intervention on Remus' first day was none other than Sirius younger brother; only twenty years old and already running part of Black Co. 

Remus had heard of Black Co. - it was a super successful pharmaceutical company that had been in the news a couple years ago for some lawsuits. A few of the female workers had accused high-ups of abusing their positions in the workplace and manipulating young, female workers into doing things they didn't want to do. Remus felt a little sick.

He clicked on the second link and blinked for a moment at the picture at the top of the article - it was Sirius alright. Only he looked a lot younger - no eyebrow piercing, shorter hair, thinner. He was covering his face from whoever was taking the photo and behind him Remus could see a familiar mop of dark hair guiding him away from the cameras - James. There was no explanation in the article, just a report from some inside source that Sirius had been disowned from his family and kicked out. The article was dated from quite a few years, with Sirius being only sixteen. 

**hey - thanks Rey.**

**btw - u free on Friday? work drinksss are back on ! woo!**

Remus' phone buzzed and he smiled at Sirius' text and quickly typed out:

_Yeah! Sounds fun :)_

He returned to his web page and remembered what he had actually been looking Sirius up for - social media. But nothing turned up. Remus could've sworn he had seen Sirius scrolling through instagram that day. 

_Lily Evans_

Remus typed into the Instagram search bar, quickly found _lilyevans_x_ and followed her. She accepted it within a minute and he shamelessly scrolled through it. She had a couple photos of herself up, an artisan coffee shot, and then when he scrolled to the bottom he found what he was looking for - it was a picture of Lily, James, Sirius and one other boy on their last day of Year 13. They had words written in marker all over white shirts (James and Sirius had significantly more signatures than the other two) and were smiling up at the camera. 

He clicked on 'tagged' and noticed that whilst _james.p__ and _Peter_pettigrew_81_ were tagged, Sirius was not. He clicked on the comments and scrolled until he found it: the account had simply commented a red heart but was called _Padfoot__. It was private, with no profile picture but was followed by Lily. He remembered the nickname James had called Sirius at the party and with a deep breath to quell any anxiety, he requested it, as well as James' account.


	5. Chapter 5

Friday, October 18th

It would have been nice to say that the week went fast but that would have been a lie - it was agonisingly slow. Remus sat through lectures, and found himself drinking so much black coffee in a desperate attempt to stop his head hitting the desk in exhaustion. Sirius' return to work meant he could spend more time on university assignments, and he was grateful for that - although he was also grateful for the influx of money that had come from picking up the extra shifts.

Remus hadn't realised he was so worried about money until that worry was slightly eased. However, he was now obsessively checking his balance, cutting financial corners and being extra frugal to try and keep himself in this state of 'financial comfortability' (which was really just relative comfortability - it's not like Remus suddenly had hundreds of disposable income, it was more that he could afford to buy a cup of coffee on the way to class occasionally and also could take an Uber when he got too shit-faced).

Remus wondered how James and Sirius could afford their apartment. James had explained that he had worked at the shop throughout his degree, and was currently taking time to realise what he wanted to do with his life before he moved on. Remus assumed Sirius would be similar (minus the degree) but an apartment like that in London would have _extortionate_ rent. Remus had only been able to afford to live alone without roommates through months of work, and his flat was about the size of their kitchen.

Remus reflected back on the last month of working in the shop. He had gotten along well with Lily (but she was so friendly that he reckoned there were few who wouldn't), James was nice enough, even nicer now that he wasn't preoccupied with worrying about Sirius, and Marlene had been really welcoming (he reckoned she was glad to have someone who hadn't grown up with the other three as she enjoyed a good gossip and that was slightly awkward considering the others were literal childhood friends). True to Lily's word, Frank was a mysterious man who popped in and out - even Marlene knew very little about him. Remus reckoned that was Frank's intention.

Sirius, on the other hand... Well, Remus couldn't help but feel very skittish and anxious around him. He'd gotten over _some_ initial nerves, now that he was used to the fact that Sirius had absolutely zero imperfections and accepted the level of inferiority he felt when standing next to him, but he still found himself on edge, worried that Sirius would find him boring or weird or something.

To Remus' knowledge, Sirius never texted Mary. A strange part of him was glad. He didn't want to find that Sirius would choose Mary over him. Because, to be honest, that would very likely happen. Mary was outgoing and funny, she was unpredictable and spontaneous. He wouldn't want to lose his best friend and... new friend. If he could call Sirius a friend.

After closing on Friday, the whole group met up at a local bar with even Frank and Alice. Marlene suggested that Remus invite Mary (the two had hit it off at the party) and she was already out with Dorcas and Gideon so brought them along. In the end, the rather large group squeezed into a booth together at the back of the bar with a round of drinks bought by James. Remus sipped his second rum and coke as he noticed the lights around him starting to blur a bit.

Lily and James were dancing on the dance floor, arms lifted in the hair, cheeks flushed with drink. Remus watched as James dramatically bent her into a dip and kissed her like something out of a movie, the two of them laughing as he lifted her back up. 

"Ah, secret's out, then," Remus hadn't noticed how close Sirius was sat to him until he had spoken. He had to lean in to Remus' ear to speak, the music being too loud, and Remus involuntarily shivered at the feeling of his breath on his neck. "They've got to keep it quiet from the high-ups, you know,"

"Lily and James? How long have they been together?" Remus said, shifting slightly under Sirius' gaze.

"Ah, since last year of school. James has been in love with her since he was twelve and saw her across the room at the inter-school dance, though, the sappy git," Sirius grinned fondly. 

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed," Remus replied, and he buzzed a little bit at the goofy smile that Sirius gave him.

There was a sudden squeal of excitement from Mary. Across the booth, Marlene and Dorcas were kissing, hands holding each other's faces. By the time Remus turned back, Sirius had gotten up and was stalking towards the bar. 

\--<>\--

If Remus thought he was drunk at the party (which he was) then that was nothing compared to now. He was blowing smoke rings in the courtyard absently as he mused on his sudden increase in drinking (just add alcohol dependency to the list) when he was joined by Gideon. Mary had met Gideon and Fabian at an audition last year. None of them had gotten the gig, so they went out drinking afterwards, and as they all say, bonds are formed best from simultaneous puking in public. Gideon was the shyer twin, soft-spoken and sarcastic and Remus had spoken to him in the past at great lengths about books, finding that they shared a similar taste.

Gideon gestured for the cigarette and Remus handed it over.

"Star-gazing, are we?" Gideon said. _The phrase reminded Remus of Sirius._

"Nah, just thinking. It got too hot in there, you know,"

"Ah. Well I'm sure you are more susceptible to over-heating considering you are hot enough," Gideon replied, turning to look at Remus, eyebrow raised.

Remus started for a moment before bursting out laughing at the ridiculousness of the statement. Gideon grinned back at him and handed him back the cigarette.

"Am I supposed to say that you are more susceptible to over-heating because you are hot, too? I'm not sure what the protocol is for drinking-induced cheesy pick up lines?" Remus remarked dryly. Gideon smirked.

"It would be nice,"

Remus rolled his eyes in response, pushing Gideon's shoulder playfully. Gideon pushed back, and the second that his hand touched Remus' shoulder, his whole body buzzed. He turned sharply to look at him, sure that Gideon must have felt the same thing and by the look in his eyes, he did.

Without thinking, Remus lunged forward and caught his lips against Gideon, who kissed back eagerly. Remus dropped the cigarette at some point and his hands grabbed Gideon's face, intensifying the kiss, who replied just as intensely.

"Hey, Remus, we are all heading-- oh! My bad, mate," James popped his head into the courtyard, starting briefly before grinning. "Nice one, guys," Gideon and Remus sprang apart as James returned inside the bar and Remus flushed with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, I have to-" He cut off, too frantic to think of a sufficient excuse and quickly walked back into the bar.

"Mary, can we go?" He caught her at the booth, avoiding the eyes of Marlene and Sirius who had been debating loudly on what album was better, Born to Die or Ultraviolence.

"Um, sure, Remus. Let me get my..." Mary started but Remus had stalked out the door before she finished, desperate to be out of the bar. She followed soon and they began to walk.

"Remus, what happened?" Mary repeated for a third time, a couple minutes after they'd left. Remus stopped and ran his hand through his hair, his mind a flurry of thoughts.

"Can you promise me right now that what I say stays between us?" He turned to look at her, eyes desperate. She looked a bit shocked but replied,

"Yes, of course, Remus,"

"I... I kissed Gideon," Remus said suddenly. Mary's eyes widened for a moment.

"Okay... Is that a bad thing or-"

"Am I gay? Does this make me gay?" He interrupted.

"Well, if you like guys, and Gideon is a guy..." Mary started, trailing off. "Look, Remus, I've known you for years now. And never once have you talked to me about a girl you fancied. I reckoned it was just a matter of time..." Mary didn't finish this sentence either. Remus paused. It was true. Remus had found girls pretty, attractive even, sure. But he'd never actually liked a girl. More like he'd appreciated their beauty, in the way you'd call a flower pretty, or a painting pretty. Didn't mean he'd wanted to date them.

He quickly flicked through his thoughts - had he ever found a guy attractive? Well, yeah. He wasn't blind. Didn't everyone find an attractive guy attractive?

 _But not everyone wanted to date that guy_ \- a small voice spoke in the back of his mind. Remus was suddenly reminded of glinting blue eyes and a cruel smile.

"Fenrir..." He whispered. He only realised he said it out loud when he looked into Mary's wide eyes. And suddenly a lot of things made sense.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some toxic 'eating talk' starts in this chapter + allusion's to an abusive relationship.  
> Please don't read if you think this will be triggering for you!

__

Fenrir Greyback had been two years older. He played rugby, had short, platinum blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He had a cruel smirk that showed off his spiky teeth and this strange... pull on people. He could charm his way out of anything. 

__

They'd met in detention, although Remus had seen him around the school before. Remus would never admit to it, but he had a stubborn streak a mile wide and a habit of getting into trouble for it. His official detention slip read "talking back to a teacher" and he scoffed as he sat down at a desk and began the detention assignment. 

__

__

__

Fenrir had walked in just then - he stared around the room like the inhabitants were his prey before pulling up a chair diagonally-behind Remus. He did no work during the hour and only spoke once the detention was over, as Remus gathered his things and left the room.

__

__

__

"Oi. Lupin," Fenrir called, his voice harsh and gruff. Remus paused, surprised he knew his name.

__

__

__

"You're tall, got the rugby build. You trying out?" Fenrir walked up to Remus. 

__

__

__

"Wasn't planning on it..." Remus replied, secretly intimidated.

__

__

__

"Think about it, yeah? We need someone new, and you'd fit right in,"

__

__

__

Remus thought about it for exactly two days before walking up to Fenrir in the halls and agreeing. Remus was in year 9, only 13 at the time, and if he thought he felt intimidated by Fenrir, that was nothing compared to the whole rest of the team. But Fenrir was right. He fit in, had a natural talent for the sport and quickly noticed the team's protectiveness over him. This was a time in which Remus had very few people he could call a friend and he relied on the team more than they knew.

__

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__

But no one was as protective as Fenrir. He worked him hard, constantly messaging him to check on his training and his diet and his health.

__

__

__

"Don't eat that shit, Lupin, you'll get more energy from this," Fenrir controlled large aspects of Remus' life 'for the sake of the team' and Remus let him, secretly loving the feeling of someone taking control. Someone looking out for him. Remus adored him. 

__

__

__

He'd been on the team for over a year, and it was one of those nights with Mary in a field with a bottle of vodka when it happened. His shirt had slipped up and Mary leapt forward, lifting the fabric the rest of the way. She gasped.

__

"Remus, what the fuck?" Along Remus's side were a row of bruises, scars, injuries. Bleary-eyed from drink, Remus pulled his shirt down and shrugged nonchalantly.

__

"Rugby injuries, it's a rough game," Mary had bit her lip but said nothing. 

__

\--<>\--

"So..." Mary handed Remus a cup of tea. He took it gratefully but averted his eyes from her, staring at a corner of the room.

"I think I'm gay," He shrugged, trying to seem indifferent (as if he hadn't just realised and understood a major part of himself that would change his life forever).

"You know it's okay, Remus? That obviously it doesn't change anything?" Mary sat opposite Remus, cross-legged on her bed. Her apartment had been closer and was a nicer environment for, you know, mental breakdowns.

Remus shrugged.

"And James seemed fine..." Mary started, trying to prompt Remus to talk. She hated when he got like this, all closed-up, refused to talk about his emotions, just bottling it up inside.

Remus suddenly remembered Gideon and groaned. 

"Does this mean I have to date... Gideon?" He sighed. Mary couldn't help herself and giggled.

"God, Remus, how romantic. No, silly, you don't have to date the first person you kiss," Mary tried to stop laughing.

"He wasn't the first person I kissed," Remus sighed and sipped his tea.

"Yeah, yeah, Anna in year 9, I know," Mary rolled her eyes. "And what did you say it was like?"

"Like sticking my face into a running water-fountain,"

"I don't even understand how that works,"

"I can't put it into words in any other way," Remus said before yawning loudly.

"Come on, let's get to bed,"

She closed her curtains and shut off the light. The two lay under her duvet and Remus stared up at his ceiling.

He knew it was okay. Obviously Mary wouldn't mind, in fact she'd apparently guessed before _Remus_ even knew. And she was right, James _had_ seemed fine. It was more that he was angry at himself for not realising it sooner. He held a great sense of pride in how well he knew himself; he knew how he acted in stressful situations, he knew the things someone could say to hurt him the most, he knew the types of people that hurt him the most. But he hadn't known this. Or maybe he had, he just didn't want to admit it. 

And so, as he slipped off into an uneasy sleep under Mary's mountain of blankets, it was one name that rolled around in his mind.

_Fenrir Greyback..._

\--<>\-- 

Saturday, October 19th

Remus let for work from Mary's apartment, eating a slice of toast on the way. He waved goodbye to her and her roommate before fast-walking to the bus stop.

As he swung into the backroom and grabbed his uniform, he almost knocked into James who was sat at the table with Sirius.

"Ah, same clothes, ey, Remus? Nice one," James snickered. Remus flushed red when he realised what he was insinuating. 

"Just stayed round Mary's, that's all," He muttered and walked to the bathroom to change. He started to undress when he heard through the wall:

"Prongs, what did you mean? Same clothes?"

"Just before he disappeared, he was in the courtyard with that ginger kid, the one his friend Mary brought along, must've gone home with him,"

"What do you mean 'with'?"

"You gonna make me say it, Pads? Kissing. Snogging. Making out. Whatever you want," 

"Oh. Right."

"Well, I'm heading off, Pads, have fun and please pick up some groceries on your way home,"

Remus' throat tightened. He'd assumed if James was fine, Sirius would be but he'd sounded... 

_Guess you've found his one flaw, then_ A voice in his head whispered. _Pretty big one, bet you'd wished it was bad breath and not straight-up homophobia, huh?_

By the time Remus emerged form the bathroom, Sirius had left the backroom. Remus squared his shoulders and left too, to start working.

\--<>\-- 

The shift was painful. Sirius only spoke to him in stilted words:

"Can you do tills?"

"I'm going for a smoke break,"

"Can you restock the bread?"

"I'm going for a smoke break,"

They were closing up, when Remus finally had enough. He was pissed off, gritting his teeth in frustration. 

"Cheers," Sirius muttered as Remus locked the door, and he started to walk away.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Remus burst out angrily. Sirius turned to him shocked.

"What?"

"I said. What the fuck is your problem?" Remus repeated.

"I-" Sirius stuttered in response and Remus felt a surge of confidence from the usual self-assured Sirius being resorted to stuttering.

"Should've known. Posh boarding school kid is homophobic. Classic." Remus snapped and when Sirius just stood in front of him, mouth gaping, he turned and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my mind, Remus is very quick at making assumptions (whether they are right or wrong is yet to be found out...).


	7. Chapter 7

Saturday, October 19th

Remus sat on the edge of his sofa with his head in his hands. He couldn't face going back to work on Monday. He couldn't face seeing Sirius, or even James. He was annoyed that James had just told Sirius with no regard for the consequences - can't he come to terms with it by himself first without having to bother about what everyone else thinks?

He switched his phone on to order in some food when it buzzed with a flurry of messages from Sirius:

**homophobic?? wtf Remus?**

**look im sorry for being a moody git but it wasn't because ur gay**

**not that im assuming**

**I understand you could be bi**

**I really am sorry**

**I don't care I was distracted abt something else**

**remus?**

And then, sent only a minute ago:

**im outside ur flat, can we talk??**

As if it punctuate Remus reading this message, he heard the buzz of the intercom. He sat up quickly as a familiar voice rang out:

"Remus. Let me in or I will wait here all night,"

"For fuck sake..." Remus grumbled as he buzzed Sirius in. He knew not to doubt that he really would wait there all night. "Stubborn bastard,"

Sirius knocked on the door a minute later and Remus let him in, his jaw clenched. He had started to feel a little embarrassed that he'd assumed Sirius' low mood was anything to do with him but he was working hard to push that away - he'd heard Sirius' reaction to James telling him. Can't have been a coincidence.

Remus raised his head to look at Sirius.

"You asked to talk, go ahead, talk," Remus said, irritated. Sirius sighed.

"So, I'm guessing you heard mine and James' conversation-"

"Obviously," Remus interrupted. He started to make himself some tea so that he would have something to do with his hands. He did not offer Sirius any.

"Well, the reason why I was moody the whole shift was because I'd been sad you'd left on Friday," Sirius said, as he started pointedly at his shoes. Remus paused and turned to look at him.

"Whilst I was off from work, everyone was telling me about how nice and funny you were and I'd wanted to get to know you, catch up," Sirius continued. "I know it was selfish of me, but I was a little annoyed that you'd left without saying anything to me- I mean, to anyone. And just to hang out with that Gideon guy, who you already knew," 

Remus had flushed at the compliments and felt slightly uncomfortable. Sirius just looked so... vulnerable, stood in front of him. He was again hit with the feeling of protectiveness over him and, against all forms of common sense, he wanted to apologise for ever making Sirius feel bad in any way. He didn't, though. He instead took a deep guttural breath and pulled another mug out of the cupboard.

"Tea?" He offered, before beginning to make a cup before Sirius even answered. "I'd like to get to know you, too, Sirius. And... I'm sorry for not saying goodbye properly. I had a bit of a crisis, and didn't want to have that in front of work-friends. Not that it even matters, but I didn't go back with Gideon. Like I said, I was with Mary," Remus made eye contact with Sirius and held it as he passed him the tea. 

"I want us to all be more than just work-friends, eventually. Friends-friends," Sirius said, his voice stronger and more confident than it had been a moment before. Similar to how it usually was.

Remus smiled at him.

"Yeah. That'd be nice,"

They each sipped their tea before something occurred to Remus.

"Wait, how do you know where I live?"

Sirius grinned slyly.

"Detective work,"

"Seriously?" Remus rolled his eyes.

"Nah. It was on those forms that you signed when you started working at the shop, I just went back for them," Sirius shrugged. 

"You are the strangest person I've ever met," Remus shook his head in disbelief.

"Thank you," Sirius grinned. 

\--<>\--

Sunday, October 20th

Remus spent his Sunday catching up on university work - he'd been planning on getting at least something done the night before but Sirius had stayed round for a couple of hours. Remus was secretly very pleased that Sirius had expressed an interest in getting to know him and hoped that he wasn't disappointed thus far. He worked from sunrise to sunset, and was still working when his phone buzzed incessantly in his pocket.

"Mary?" Remus answered the phone.

"You didn't reply to my text!" Mary scolded.

"Sorry, been working all day, haven't even moved from my desk," Remus replied honestly, wiping his eyes.

"At all? Not moved once?" Mary's voice was quiet.

"I mean I got lunch at some point..." Remus backtracked.

"I'm coming over,"

"What? No, don't-" But Mary had already hung up. Remus sighed and pushed his textbook away, wiping his tired eyes again. 

Fifteen minutes later, Mary sidled through the door holding an entire plastic bags worth of food and began to fiddle with Remus' oven.

"Mary, you don't have to buy me food, I can look after myself," Remus said pleadingly.

"Well, evidently, you can't," Mary chided, not looking up from her food preparation.

"At least let me pay you back," 

"Can't. Lost the receipt, no idea how much it all is. Tough," Mary responded.

"I'll just transfer you a random amount then..." 

"Remus, for fuck sake, just let people care about you, okay?" Mary finally looked up at him. "Besides, it gave me an opportunity to see Marlene and get all the news about her and Dorcas so really I should be thanking you," 

"Marlene and Dorcas? Seriously?" Remus gave up, too tired to argue and sat into the stool at his kitchen-island.

"Yes? Friday? You were literally there? Honestly," Mary said, "They are very cute together. Well, not technically 'together', you know, they want to take it slow but if I know Dorcas, that will be out the window very quickly..." 

Remus succumbed to Mary's chatter and began to relax, the knot of anxiety that had been building up in his stomach unwound. He'd had a stressful few days - from his big realisation, to his argument with Sirius, to his making-up with Sirius and then finally his anxieties had switched to his university work. Remus' anxiety always needed something to work at and work at until it swallowed him up inside. It was exhausting.

Mary knew this, knew all of this, and he felt a sudden swell of affection for her. She'd never judged him, and this was not the first time that she had known exactly when Remus needed her (even when Remus didn't know it himself). They ate together and when Mary eventually left, he was significantly happier and very grateful for her visit.


	8. Chapter 8

Monday October 21st

"Heya, Remus, look alive," Lily swung into the backroom. He lifted his head in greeting and continued to nurse the black coffee in front of him. He'd somehow managed to get roped into the morning shift and was vehemently regretting it.

"I have exciting news," She collapsed into the chair opposite him and posed with her chin in her hands, eyes sparkling with eagerness.

"Oh?" Remus raised his eyebrow, impressed at her energy this early in the day.

"Alice and Frank got engaged! It was the most romantic thing ever," Lily sighed happily. "It was a candle-lit dinner, stroll by the Thames, and a rickshaw ride around Central," 

"That's amazing, I'm so happy for them," Remus smiled.

"And to celebrate, they're throwing a costume party!" Lily squealed. "I love costume parties, do you love costume parties?" Remus opened his mouth to reply but Lily continued without waiting for a response, her joy bubbling over.

"Yes, yes, wedding... engagement... exciting, but first! Costume party," Lily clapped her hands in glee. "I was wondering about a big group costume: you, me, Sirius, James, Marls. I'll create a group chat tonight to brainstorm. So exciting!" And with that, Lily swished into the office, humming a Disney theme tune as she went.

\--<>\--

*Lily created the group chat: costume party :)*

Lily: ok ok, costume ideas everyone!

Marlene: there are five of us? spice girls, simple

James: what about colours of the rainbow!

Lily: there are seven colours of the rainbow, James. what about Disney characters!

Remus: should've known you'd suggest that considering you were humming 'let it go' all morning... 

James: only if I can be Sleeping Beauty

Marlene: now that is a sight I would pay to see

Sirius: god, me too

Lily: okay, not Disney characters...

Sirius: Evans, you just don't want to see me happy

Lily: Maybe I just want to keep James wearing a ball gown between him and I... ;)

Marlene: mayday, mayday, Lily made a dirty joke. how is James coping?

Sirius: he's gone all red and his hands are shaking too much to type

James: no I have not!

Sirius: you are literally using speech-to-text right now

Marlene: Are u guys texting whilst next to each other?

Lily: they are always together, you should know that by now. back onto the topic of costumes! I think you guys are scaring Remus

Remus: maybe, but I am enjoying it nonetheless

James: that's my boy, Rem, the only guy who uses 'nonetheless' in text messages

Sirius: why don't we all dress up as me

Marlene: absolutely not

Sirius: I'm just saying, you'd all look hot...

Marlene: I already look hot

James: me too

Lily: Jesus christ

James: do you not agree, Lily? *gasp*

Lily: of course I do, but your ego does not need stroking anymore

James: but you know what does need stroking...

Lily: James Fleamont Potter you will not finish that sentence

Marlene: can we go back to the fact that James literally typed "*gasp*"

Remus: can we go back to the fact that James' middle name is Fleamont??

Sirius: ha

James: Sirius your middle name is Orion...

Lily: read the title of the group chat, people, this is getting off topic

Sirius: remus, any ideas?

Remus: What about Scooby Doo? There are five of them, right? 

Lily: yes!! rey, u genius! dibs on Daphne

Marlene: can I be red-cat-suit Velma??

Lily: Absolutely!! James, you have to be Fred

James: aww I wanted to be the dog :(

Sirius: "the dog"? so disrespectful. I am 100% Scooby-Doo

Lily: makes sense, Sirius as the dog... That leaves Rem as Shaggy, that okay?

Remus: course :) 

Sirius: I'll bring you weed, too, make it extra accurate ;)

Lily: sirius, under no circumstances will you be high at their engagement party

Sirius: ;)

Lily: James, sort him out

James: ;)

\--<>\--

Remus smiled at his phone as the messages came in. It was hard to believe he hadn't known them for long, he couldn't imagine life without them around - Marls was really empathetic and always able to distract you from your worries; Lily was kind, bubbly and had that easy way of making you feel comfortable; James was hilarious, playful but also super dependable; Sirius had a dry sense of humour and always seemed interested in what Remus had to say.

Remus was humming to himself as he organised his bookshelf when the intercom of his flat buzzed. He walked over, pressed the microphone, and spoke:

"Hello?"

"Remus! Remus!"

"Hi James," 

"Sirius is here, too! We were wondering if you were doing anything tonight!" James' voice was breathless with excitement.

"No, why..."

"Concert!" Sirius' voice burst through. "Tribute band, doing all the best 70s hits, come on!"

"Ok, ok, I'm coming," Remus laughed, grabbed his denim jacket and left.

The three men walked together for about ten minutes before James indicated a small, dimly lit bar. They headed inside, and moved towards a stage where a band was setting up and settled into the middle of the crowd that was already forming around the stage.

After a moment, the band began the first jarring chords of Changes - David Bowie and the crowd came to life. Sirius was staring up at the stage with rapt adoration as the three men, too, began to dance as the band descended into the chorus. James noticed Remus looking at Sirius and whispered into his ear,

"All Sirius' idea. He's been obsessed with Bowie for years. I saw this advertised online and when I told him, it was like Christmas Day," James laughed but his words were filled with affection for his friend.

And James was right. As the band's set continued for hours, Sirius' smile remained wide with joy. Remus relaxed into the rhythm of the crowd and let the music fill his senses. Previously, music like this had been filled with a sad nostalgia of his childhood but in that moment, Remus rewrote all of that. He knew that, from now on, music like this would only remind him of Sirius' smile, Sirius' happiness, Sirius' dancing-- Oh shit.

"Alright, alright, last song, folks!" The singer yelled into the mic. The guitar picked out the opening sounds of Mott Hoople - All the Young Dudes and Sirius whooped loudly, along with the majority of the crowd. He grabbed onto Remus' shoulders and began to croon along to the words.

They yelled the lines of the chorus out into the air and Remus' heart burst with happiness. He would remember this moment forever, the happiness he felt, the carefree-ness and the abrupt realisation that he was in love with Sirius fucking Black.

\--<>\--

Suddenly, Sirius was all that Remus thought about. His slow grin, his gleaming grey eyes, his cool touch, that expression he always did when he made a sarcastic comment. The way he looked when he was happy, the way he had looked at the concert. 

No, he was not 'jealous' of Sirius' looks, or humour, or intelligence. He wanted to snog the guy senseless.

"I've fucking lost my mind..." Remus muttered as he found himself sketching out the familiar profile of a certain high-cheekboned man. He crumpled the piece of paper, threw it into a distant corner of his room and rested his head in his hands.

As Remus closed his eyes, all that echoed around was his smile, his smile, his fucking smile. He rubbed his eyes in frustration.

He couldn't wait to see him again. He also hoped he'd never see him again for the rest of his love. The latter was impossible; he had work with him tomorrow. 

"He'll know instantly," Remus thought gloomily. He lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling, his mind whirling with thoughts and worries. He gritted his teeth, turned over and closed his eyes.

\--<>\--

Wednesday, October 23rd

"Alright, Rey?" Sirius clapped a hand on Remus' shoulder and he almost screamed in shock. Sirius snickered at his expression. 

"Jesus, Sirius," Remus replied, rolling his eyes. His skin was buzzing from Sirius' touch.

"You free after work today?" Sirius said casually. Remus froze.

"Um, yeah?"

"Well, Marls already had a red cat suit for the costume - don't question why she already owns that. And James is so whipped that he's already bought both his and Lily's stuff, so I thought we could go out and get our costumes together," Sirius said.

"Oh yeah, for sure," Remus replied coolly. "You going for the full dog-look or just brown clothes type thing?"

"Come on, Rey, do you know me at all?" Sirius raised an eyebrow and Remus' heart fluttered.

"Full dog-look, of course," Remus rolled his eyes again and hoped Sirius didn't notice his voice slightly tremoring.

"Besides, whenever the gang split up in the show, Shaggy and Scooby always stayed together. I'm a method actor, what can I say?" Sirius grinned and walked off before Remus could reply; good thing, too, because Remus didn't think he could trust his voice chords to say anything. He had to put the crate he was holding down and take a second to regulate his breathing.

"Get it together, Lupin," He scolded himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of writing another Muggle AU where the marauders are in a band - inspired by 'Dress Up in You' by mskingbean_89 but it would all of them in a band. Let me know if you'd like reading that!
> 
> \- If you don't know what a rickshaw is, you will probably have to look it up, it's a little hard to explain! Like a taxi but you are pulled by a bike.
> 
> \- At this point, Remus is also working a Wednesday half-day. He'd started working extra to cover for Sirius, but even though he is back, he kept this shift


	9. Chapter 9

Wednesday, October 23rd

"Bye, Lily!" Sirius called out as he ducked out of the shop, followed by Remus. They caught the bus and headed to the top deck, sitting mid-way down.

Sirius was chatting about a customer interaction of the day but Remus was too distracted to listen: he was staring at the way Sirius' eyes crinkled as he laughed, the way he ran a hand through his hair, the way he-

"Remus?" Sirius looked at him expectantly.

"Er, yeah?" Remus blinked.

"You okay? I don't think you heard a word of what I was saying," Sirius smirked. Remus flushed red and tugged at his jumper sleeve.

"Sorry, just thinking, I s'pose..." He murmured.

"Well, yeah, I see that," Sirius raised an eyebrow and Remus averted his gaze before he flushed an even deeper shade of red. "Come on, what's up? You know you can talk to me if somethings worrying you?"

"Thanks, but no, I'm okay," Remus smiled and, when Sirius smiled back, he felt his heart thump inside his chest.

They looked in a few shops. Sirius had ordered a specific 'Scooby-Doo' hat and... collar, but was looking for some clothes to go along. Or rather, he was supposed to be looking. He kept getting distracted with other things. 

"Oh my god, what do you think of this jacket?" Remus and Sirius were stood inside a charity-shop and Sirius held up a leather jacket which had a lining of stalked-flowers. He shrugged it on and it hung off him perfectly. He looked... so cool.

"You have to get that," Remus managed to get out. Sirius grinned in response and took it off, holding it in his hands as he moved onto the next rack. Remus was still thinking about how good Sirius looked in that jacket when he suddenly came-to and realised Sirius had been calling his name for at least a minute.

"Oh, sorry, what?" He blinked.

"Jesus, Remus, you're so moony today. I was just saying that I think you'd look good in this," Sirius held up a thick knitted sweater. "Hipster vibes, no?"

"Did you just call me a hipster?" Remus raised an eyebrow and hoped his ironic tone was enough to cover the shivers that Sirius' compliment gave him. 

"Oh yeah, 100%," Sirius smirked and handed Remus the sweater, who obligingly tried it on. 

"Come on, twirl for me, Moony!" Sirius said laughing. Remus rolled his eyes.

"You calling me Moony now? A guy doesn't pay rapt attention to you once and he gets a whole nickname?" Remus teased.

"Yeah, usually the guys pay very close attention to me," Sirius winked and turned back to the racks before he could see Remus flush a very deep shade of red.

The shopping trip was a success. To be honest, Remus' costume was very simple - brown trousers, green shirt, although Sirius had also insisted on buying Remus the jumper, and he'd grudgingly accepted. Sirius had paused for too long outside a pet store, wondering if a leash was overkill but Remus herded him away, unsure he'd be able to cope with that happening...

They were on the bus back when Sirius' phone buzzed. He fished it out of his pocket:

"Prongs!" He half-yelled into his phone. "Yeah, we are just on our way back... I'm feeling pizza...okay, I'll ask," Sirius turned to Remus. "Do you wanna come back to ours? We are ordering pizza, Lily will be there, too,"

"Yeah, sounds good," Remus smiled.

"Great!" Sirius put his phone back to his ear. "He said yes, but come on, Prongs, who would turn down an offer to have dinner with us, eh?" Sirius shoved Remus playfully, which gave Remus a very sudden pang of de-ja-vu...

Once Sirius ended the phone call, Remus asked:

"So, what's the story behind the nicknames? Prongs, Padfoot..." 

"Well, Moony," Sirius waggled his eyebrows, "In year 9, James asked Lily out for maybe the second time that term, and she got so annoyed with him that she threw a fork at him and it hit him in the arm. Not hard enough to leave a mark or anything, but James used makeup to draw on stab wounds so that Lily would feel bad for him. I think he kept the fork, too, probably still has it now... Anyway, we call him Prongs to remind him of his pathetic-ness" Sirius snickered and Remus laughed with him. 

"Wow... I mean, guess it paid off, huh?" Remus replied, remembering just last week when Lily had tried to scold James for convincing a customer that they were already closed just to get them to leave so he could slide down the aisles on a trolly but she had laughed too hard that it didn't have the right effect.

"Yep, he always told us he'd get her in the end, I should've had more faith," Sirius said, smiling. "And, well I am called Padfoot as revenge for the whole 'Prongs' thing. He'd convinced me that, y'know, period pads were for wearing in your shoes during sport to stop them getting all sweaty and when one of them fell out during a football match..."

"Oh my god," Remus had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.

"And now you are Moony, because you are always day-dreaming," Sirius grinned and Remus rolled his eyes (again). But he felt a tug on his heart as his nickname was bestowed on him.

They walked up to James and Sirius' apartment and entered to the sounds of ABBA. James was twirling Lily around and laughing, pure joy on each of their faces.

"Prongs?" Sirius interrupted, eyebrows raised. 

"Yeah, yeah, don't be jealous, Pads," James dipped Lily into a bend, similar to that night at the bar, and once she was righted again, he trailed into the kitchen. Remus and Sirius followed. They ordered their food and in the 25 minutes that they had to wait, they made punch and were sipping it out of mismatched glasses.

"My mum and dad always had an assortment of glasses that they'd just taken from bars and pubs, and so when we got this place, we did the same. When we've had a particularly... eventful night, we take a glass," James said. Remus looked down at the glass in his hand and thought it might look familiar...

Once the food arrived, they arranged themselves around the living room and put on the Great British Bake Off, because James and Sirius liked to yell things at it.

"As if they can even make anything themselves," Lily scoffed in a whisper to Remus.

As the night progressed, the four of them got noticeably drunker (it was literally a Wednesday, for fuck sake) and James was retelling school stories for Remus' benefit.

"Ok, ok, what about that time when Sirius lost a bet and had to come into school wearing a tiara for a week straight," James crowed.

"You should've thought that through better, I had no problems at all with doing that, and in fact I enjoyed every minute," Sirius smirked. "But how about that time you asked Lily to the Christmas Dance and she pushed your face into mashed potato?" Lily giggled and James looked a bit embarrassed before he pulled Lily towards him into a hug and said,

"Well, it all paid off," Sirius looked at Remus and rolled his eyes. 

James began to clear the boxes and Remus followed to help. They were at the sink, washing glasses, when James spoke,

"I'm really happy you're here, Rem," He said. Remus looked at him in surprise.

"Thank you, mate, I'm happy I'm here, too," Remus replied.

"I'm saying this on behalf of Sirius, because god knows the fucker never would himself. But he's a lot happier having met you. He says you guys have a lot in common and has been begging me to invite you for dinner," James laughed. Remus' heart beat a little faster.

"Anyway, just wanted to say that," James finished. He dried the last piece of glassware and left the room, leaving Remus feeling a bit... confused. Remus stepped out onto the balcony and sighed as he looked out onto the view. 

His head was an utter mess. He'd been doing alright so far, but he worried that one day he'd slip up and it would just be so... awkward. Sirius was cool, attractive, confident, funny, easy-going. Remus was... none of those things. It was completely irrational to think he'd ever have a chance, and whenever Remus' mind let himself go there, let himself be convinced that it could happen, he shut it down. This perpetual state of longing was much better than the alternative - rejection, embarrassment.

"Alright, Moony?" Sirius stepped onto the balcony too. He offered Remus a pack of cigarettes, and Remus took one. His breath hitched for a moment when Sirius leaned in and lit it for him but the moment ended too quickly and he inhaled from the cigarette.

"James been embarrassing me?" Sirius asked jokingly. Remus looked at him and thought that maybe Sirius' cheeks looked slightly pink. 

"Nah, just nice things," Remus replied casually. He wondered if Sirius could hear his heart thumping in his chest.

"He's right, though. I am happy you are here," Sirius said. Remus scanned his eyes for any sign of a joke, or sarcasm, but it wasn't there.

"Thank you," Remus flushed. Sirius cleared his throat.

"So, you going back to see family for Christmas?" Sirius asked. 

"I-Um. No. Just staying here," Remus hesitated. "I don't... I don't really talk to my family..."

"Oh," Sirius looked at Remus sharply. "Same, actually. I usually spend it with James and his family," Remus tried to look surprised but, of course, he wasn't really, he'd seen the articles. He doubted that Sirius had been disowned at 16 but still invited back for Christmas.

"Why don't you come too?" Sirius asked.

"Wait, what? To James'?" Remus looked at him.

"Yeah! The Potters would hate to hear anyone is alone at Christmas. And, well, James is bringing Lily. I can bring you," Sirius sounded excited now.

"Yeah, I'd actually love that. If that's okay with James..." Remus said cautiously.

"Course. I mean, at this point, the Potters are my own parents, so if I'm inviting you, they'd be happy to have you there," Sirius said.

On his way back home from James and Sirius' apartment, that conversation swirled about in his mind. And he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment when Remus gets de-ja-vu is referencing his kiss with Gideon.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mentions of an eating disorder in this chapter. I hope this won't trigger anyone, but just in case, please take care!

Saturday October 26th

Remus, James, Lily, Sirius and Marlene all congregated in Lily's apartment before the costume party, mainly because Lily wanted to direct everyone's costumes.

"James, you are supposed to wear that around your neck,"

"Sirius, I told you, no getting high at their party! For goodness sake..."

"Remus, darling, please let me brush your hair..."

Marlene had begged the group to take a picture together so that she could post it on Instagram and show Dorcas how good she looked in her catsuit - and fair enough. If Remus hadn't pretty much accepted the fact that he was completely gay (albeit slowly), he may have been convinced otherwise by Marlene. And the acceptance of his sexuality was also influenced by the fact that Sirius changed his shirt right next to Remus, which caused him to have to splash cold water on his face to calm down.

Eventually, the five of them were ready; Marlene had found a photo she liked, they were all dressed to Lily's standards and they piled into a taxi to head to the bar that Frank and Alice had rented out. When they arrived, the party was already in full swing and filled with people.

"I know I've known them for a few years now but I swear I know nothing about them," Lily murmured to Remus as they watched Frank and Alice welcome at least a hundred people to their party. 

Remus was working very hard to get the image of Sirius changing out of his mind, but wasn't doing too well, considering Sirius insisted on staying with him the whole time.

"Hey, Moony, people won't get your costume if you're alone, you've gotta stick with me," Sirius said. To be fair, it didn't take Remus much convincing to agree to the fool-proof excuse as to why he had to stay with Sirius the whole time. And also, every time Sirius said his nickname, it gave Remus little shivers of joy. 

They were just heading back from the bar when Sirius suddenly swore and grabbed Remus' arm, pulling him out of the door and into the garden-area. 

"What-" Remus started but Sirius shushed him and peered round the corner and into the bar that they had just exited from.

"My ex is here," Sirius muttered. 

"I don't think they can hear us anymore," Remus said, rolling his eyes at Sirius' dramatics.

"Yeah, yeah, but we are the Mystery Gang, we have to be sneaky," Sirius grinned. He pushed his hair back, something which Remus had noticed he did when he was anxious. He'd also lost his hat at some point during the evening and now just wore all brown with a collar, which was a sight that Remus would be thinking about again later that evening.

"Oh shit, he's coming," Sirius suddenly said. "Follow my lead, please, I'll make it up to you,"

"Wha-" Remus started to say but suddenly stopped when a tall man stepped out into the garden-area from the bar. 

"Hey, Marcus, fancy seeing you here," Sirius said with a light chuckle but his shoulder was tense. The man - Marcus - glanced over at Sirius before turning to Remus, and gave him a full up and down.

"Hm, good to see you, Sirius. Doing well, I see?" Marcus said, his eyes slightly narrowed. Sirius suddenly wound a hand around Remus' waist and pulled him in.

"Yeah, yeah, doing well," Sirius said casually. After a slightly awkward pause, Marcus nodded at the two men before returning back into the bar. Sirius waited for another moment before withdrawing his hand and breathing out.

"Pyschopath, that one, I'm telling you," Sirius pulled out a cigarette from his pocket. "Cheated on me with his step-brother," Remus felt slightly dazed from the close contact with him. He also felt slightly dazed from the revelation that Sirius liked men. It was like fireworks inside his head and heart and hands and- well, all of him, really. 

It was also like pouring gasoline onto a fire and watching a forest burn down. He swore inwardly - this would do nothing but encourage that irrational part of his brain that told him that there was a chance. It would only fan the flames of hope that burnt in Remus' heart. He snapped out of his daze to say:

"Wait, hold up, step-brother?" 

"Yep, step-brother," Sirius wrinkled his nose in disgust. "But now he will go home and cry that I have moved on and am thriving! Even if it's a lie,"

"So, you haven't moved on?" Remus sat next to Sirius and gestured for a cigarette, hoping it would give him something to do with his hands and quell his nerves.

"Well, yes, I have, just not _with_ somebody else, y'know," Sirius said noncommittally. Remus noticed his words were slurring slightly and wondered how much more Sirius had had to drink than him. This was answered by the bluntness of Sirius' next question:

"So, what's the deal with your family?" 

Remus looked at him sharply and took a drag of the cigarette. 

"Only, if you wanted to talk about it, I reckon I'd be the one to understand the most," Sirius said, somewhat hurriedly. He was right, though. 

Remus was a very guarded person, he hated showing his emotions to people, which was partly why him and Mary were so close - she was so no nonsense and got him to talk about things anyway. But Mary had never understood it. She had parents who celebrated every success, who called her almost daily, who loved her unconditionally. 

"Its, er... complicated," Remus tugged at his sleeve. "I was... ill for a lot of my later years of school, and they didn't really handle it well, they blamed me. Well, mainly my dad, but my mum didn't really stand up to him either," 

"I'm... really sorry, Moony. How can they blame you for being ill?" Sirius reached over and softly rubbed the back of Remus' shoulder and the caring act almost brought tears to Remus' eyes. He coughed to clear his throat.

"I guess, ill is kind of... I don't really know how to..." Remus exhaled a breath of frustration. It's not like he didn't want Sirius to know, he didn't care really. He just, didn't know how to communicate it without Sirius thinking he was... fragile, or someone to be worried about. He wasn't. 

"I developed orthorexia," Remus managed to say. "He blamed me for it, especially when it took a while for me to get better. I mean, I'm fine now, I swear, but took me a bit," Remus avoided eye contact with Sirius; he knew he would be unable to handle it if he looked over and saw pity. But, after a pause, Sirius rubbed Remus' shoulder again and Remus relaxed into his touch.

"Then I'm happy you will be celebrating Christmas with us," Sirius said finally. Remus couldn't help it, but the kind words and Sirius' comforting touch made his voice crack and he felt tears sliding down his face. He rushed to hide them but Sirius pulled him into a hug and they just stayed there, with Remus' head resting on Sirius' shoulder as silent tears poured down his face.

After a moment, Remus withdrew, wiped his face and tried to regulate his breathing. He wanted to apologise, he felt embarrassed, but his voice wouldn't work. But Sirius understood. 

He gave him a few minutes to recuperate, waiting patiently and making light jokes about the few people that also came outside.

Eventually, Remus felt normal enough to return and Sirius ground each of their cigarettes and took Remus' hand, leading him back into the bustle of the party, too dark for anyone to notice Remus' tear-stained face.


	11. Chapter 11

Sunday October 27th

Remus knew what he was supposed to do when faced with a difficult situation, or when things started to get 'bad' again. He usually didn't do it, though. The idea of talking about his emotions, or seeming 'vulnerable', with anyone made him physically sick. _Remus? Dramatic? No..._

However, this usual method of bottling up his feelings until he exploded and had a breakdown was drastically different from what had happened at the costume party. Remus had actually _cried_ in front of someone (that he was very attracted to, no less). His face burned with embarrassment at the very memory.

But... It had felt good. The small rubs of Sirius' hands on his shoulders, the smell of his cologne when they hugged, the comforting guiding arm... 

And so, Remus woke up the day after with the resolute thought that things were going to be different. He was going to break away from his usual methods of dealing with emotion - not too far, mind, but still out of his comfort zone.

Ergo, Remus was curled up on Mary's bed, holding a mug of steaming green tea and preparing himself to divulge his worries.

"Remus, you've been sat in silence for ten minutes now," Mary clicked her tongue impatiently. Remus shushed her with a vague wave of his arm. After a moment, he began to speak:

"You know, Sirius?"

"Yes, I know Sirius..." Mary replied slowly. "Your colleague, saw him at that house party, black hair?" 

Remus nodded.

"Well, turns out I am very much attracted to him," Remus said matter-of-factly. Mary's eyes widened. 

"Can't blame you, to be honest," She said finally.

"Last night, there was an engagement party thrown by other colleague," Remus started.

"Yes, I saw the pictures on Instagram,"

"I accidentally, kind of, maybe, told him a little bit about... you know. My 'problem'," Remus looked up at Mary, waiting for her reply.

"Is that such a bad thing?" She said after a moment.

"What? Of course. I mean, I haven't really known him for long, the guy is nice to me for like a month and now he'll think I'm like this fragile piece of china,"

"But if you want to date him, he will know eventually. I mean, it will show that you trust him!" 

"But it's too soon... Besides. He'd never date me. I mean, he does like men but look at him. And look at me," Remus said, sighing. Mary swatted him with her arm.

"Remus! Don't you dare think negatively about yourself," She scolded. "You are very funny, dependable, attractive-" Remus rolled his eyes. "-and Sirius would be lucky to even have the opportunity to go out with you," She finished.

"Yeah, yeah, you have to say that," Remus replied curtly. 

"But I mean it! I really do, Remus. You mustn't sell yourself short. Now, what's the plan?" She said definitively.

"Plan?"

"Yes, plan. To get Sirius to go out with you,"

"Oh for fuck sake..."

Remus had decided that concocting some sort of 'plan' would definitely make things worse. It would make things too... real. Although the revelation about Sirius' sexuality had been somewhat welcome ("well he certainly can't be homophobic now") it, too, made things too real.

It also would make rejection even worse. Hearing that Sirius was straight would be acceptable. Hearing that Sirius wasn't straight, but still didn't like Remus, would be very, very painful.

Sirius would never like him back. Remus just had to accept that. Meanwhile, being his friend was a privilege in itself that Remus was very reluctant to mess up.

Wednesday October 30th

This mental decision (sort of) that he made was validated on a Wednesday afternoon shift with Lily, James and Marlene. Remus had had a university lecture that morning and was reading over some of his notes during his break when Marlene came in and collapsed at the table with him.

"I just had to deal with the rudest person I've ever met, I swear, if you are eighty-years-old, you do not get to lecture me on how quick I scan your items. I could scan this entire shop faster than it would take him to walk down the street," Marlene rolled her eyes dramatically and looked up at Remus, a smile slowly forming.

"Want to hear some gossip?" She said, her eyes glittering with mischief. This was a frequent phrase of Marlene's. One night, she had gotten very drunk and when Remus turned up to walk her home, she mentioned that being seen as boring was her biggest fear and so she gossiped to make sure that she would always have something interesting to say. At Marlene's request, he never mentioned this confession again but anytime they spoke, the memory of it flickered in Remus' mind.

"Sure," He said wryly, raising an eyebrow. 

"James and Sirius are kind of fighting over something that happened at Frank and Lily's party," 

"Okay..."

"But guess what that something was," 

Remus rolled his eyes. Marlene loved this game.

"I don't know, Marlene,"

"You left early right, Remus?"

Remus had left a couple songs after his conversation with Sirius. As much as the dancing (and Sirius' arm around Remus' shoulders) had distracted him for a bit, it all got a bit overwhelming and he walked home by himself.

"Well, at the end of the night, Lily was rounding us up for a taxi - see, I was staying round hers that night and we were meant to be sharing the ride with James and Sirius - only Sirius wasn't there, he'd gone home with some random he just met," Marlene waved her hand dismissively, and continued on, not noticing how Remus froze, "See, I didn't see what the big deal was. When I first got here, he was going home with someone every time we were out, and then some more. I hadn't noticed this, but in the past few months, he'd not gone home with anyone once,"

"So, your point is that he's gone back to 'normal'?" Remus kept his tone casual.

"Well, yeah, only James saw it as like an ultimate betrayal. I was hoping you knew something," Marlene sighed. "If it was simply just 'going back to normal', then James wouldn't be fighting with him. I mean, before he was clapping Sirius on the back each time he came into work in yesterday's clothes,"

"Sorry, Marlene, I don't know anything," Remus returned to his notes but he couldn't focus on the words in front of him.

"It's okay. Worth a try, considering you guys have gotten so close recently," 

Remus' head shot up.

"Close?" He asked.

"He's so protective over his little 'unit'. Took me and him three arguments and a drunk heart-to-heart before he let me in, sufficiently convinced I wasn't there to ruin anything. But you? Took you right under his wing," Marlene checked the time and swore. "Shit, I was only meant to be back here for a couple minutes, see you, Remus,"

Remus was left alone to his thoughts. He wished he hadn't been. 

Sirius could go home with whoever he wanted. In fact, Remus was glad he had. Seemed like 'Marcus' had really shook him up, and now he could 'move on with someone', like he'd said. 

This was also a good thing for another reason. It was like a bucket of water to the fire of hope that burned in Remus' heart, the hope that made him overthink any interaction with Sirius and conjure up a future where the two were married, living in some cottage, baking fucking apple pie. How embarrassing. 

Only... that fire of hope was not fully extinguished. What had Marlene said? Sirius had taken him "right under his wing"...

Yeah. As a friend maybe. Or as a little brother that Sirius pitied. _'Oh no, the poor guy had an eating disorder and cried at a party. Oh no, the poor guy is broke, I must buy his charity-shop jumper for him, he probably can't even afford it.'_ Remus hated to be pitied. 

He let out a deep guttural sigh and packed up his notes, slipped them into his locker and returned to the front of the shop.

\--<>\--

Remus was never one for social media. His instagram was completely blank, devoid of even a profile picture. His only tagged photo was one of Mary, which he had taken and therefore been tagged in. He had a few hundred followers, mostly people from school and from his course. People he'd met through Mary.

He now had Lily, Sirius, James, Alice, Frank and Marlene, too. Sirius had taken a whole day to accept his follow request. Remus had held back from looking at his account, but couldn't help himself now. The account had a black dog as a profile picture, but no bio, and under a hundred followers. It had tens of posts though - of James, of James and Sirius together, of tattoos that Sirius wanted, of motorbikes that he spotted in public and liked, of things that reminded him of the people he loved. It was just so... Sirius. 

Remus wondered if the the 'incognito' exterior of the account, before a follow request was accepted, was because of his family. A few of Sirius' family members were even verified, perhaps Sirius' account was something that would be 'tabloid news' if public. 

There was no mention of any romantic partners on Sirius' account. Not that Remus cared.

Remus returned to his own, blank instagram account. He sighed and looked at it. And then, he texted Mary.

_Hey, you know that photo of us on the beach over summer..._

You mean the one where you look super hot and I begged you to post it but you refused??

Her reply was almost immediate.

_Yes. That one._

Yes I know that photo. why, you changed your mind, Lupin?

_Maybe..._

Remus was ready to change a lot more than just 'talking about his feelings'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way! I also post this fic on Wattpad (same username) if you prefer that format :)


	12. Chapter 12

Thursday October 31st (early hours)

Remus felt confident in the moment of posting the photo but was slowly starting to regret it.

_Fuck it - they've all seen it already, taking it down now won't do. Just move forward._

And although Remus was predicting it to be the topic of a few group chats of ridicule, he decided that he did not care. Mary was right. He looked good in the photo, it was a nice photo of their friendship and something that reminded him of happy memories. However, it did take Remus a couple hours to come to this conclusion and so he was only just starting to go to sleep at 1:47 am when his phone buzzed.

He rolled over and unlocked it to see a text from Sirius:

**nice photo**

Remus' blood ran cold. Or hot. He couldn't tell, to be honest, it just ran a very extreme temperature.

_thank you_

**why you up so late?**

_Why are you?_

**come onnn, I asked first**

_couldn't sleep_

**ah. not tired?**

_nope_

**want company?**

Remus shot out of bed. What the fuck does "want company?" mean?! He figured out pretty quickly when his intercom buzzer went off. He crept towards it and pressed on the mic:

"Hello?"

"Come on, Moony, you know it's me," Sirius drawled through the intercom. Remus buzzed to let him in and in the minute it took Sirius to go from the main entrance to Remus' flat's door, he had managed to work himself into a frenzy about the connotations of 'company'. 

But you must give Remus a little credit here - he was not completely pathetic and therefore did not let a single bit of this show; instead, he let Sirius in and set to making some tea.

"How'd you know I was awake?: He asked, his head bent over the mugs in front of him.

"I didn't know, I just hoped. Was in the area," Came Sirius' reply.

"You never answered my question as to why you were up so late," Remus remarked.

"I was out and I didn't want to go back to James. Besides, it's Halloween morning!" Sirius collapsed into a stool at Remus' counter, but Remus did not miss Sirius' incoordination and general posture - he was drunk.

"Heard you were fighting," Remus said flatly.

"Hmm," Sirius confirmed, "He disapproves of my behaviour. Course, not all of us were virtually married by the age of seventeen,"

"Behaviour?" Remus said casually, pushing a mug of tea in Sirius' direction, along with a glass of water (which Sirius raised an eyebrow at).

"You ever read Dorian Gray? You seem like the type to have read Dorian Gray,"

"I have..." Remus skimmed over what being 'the type to have read Dorian Gray' could possibly mean, reserving it to analyse another time.

"He compared me to the main guy in that, whatever that means," Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically. Sirius may not know what James had exactly compared him to, but Remus knew:

"At least now you aren't lying to Marcus when you say you've moved on with someone," Remus said, although it came out slightly sharper than he meant it to. He softened it with a smile and: "Although you shouldn't feel bad about lying to a guy who slept with his step-brother,"

Sirius laughed and the sound sent a thrill through Remus' body. He sipped his tea and leaned back against his counter.

"Does it make it worse if he'd been with his step-brother for longer so technically he was cheating on _him_ with me?"

Remus shuddered slightly. "Didn't think it could get worse, but yes,"

"You not got any stories like that? Dating horror stories?" Sirius ran a hand through his hair.

Remus thought for a moment and reminded of cruel blue eyes. "I had a weird homo-erotic friendship for a bit that I didn't realise was homo-erotic until recently,"

"I think that may be a rite of passage," Sirius remarked lightly.

"You had one too?"

"Please, I had at least two,"

"With James?" Remus teased. Sirius mimed throwing up.

"He's not had the fortune of that happening,"

"You're thinking of something," Sirius said. Remus raised his head to look at him. "You twist your mouth slightly when you're thinking hard, I've noticed," Remus couldn't help but smile slowly at the idea of Sirius studying him.

"Can I ask you a question?" He said slowly, turning the words over in his mind to try and figure out the best way to say it.

"Sure, whatever you want, Moony," Sirius levelled his gaze at Remus, his piercing, grey eyes attentive.

"How did you know..." Remus trailed off, suddenly nervous.

"That I was gay?" Sirius filled in. "Or pan, rather,"

"Yeah,"

"It's different for everyone," Sirius maintained his intense gaze. "For me? On some level, I always knew, just took me a while to come to terms with it," He paused. "I'd been in a... situation where that kind of thing was disapproved of. When I was put in a new 'situation', I was able to heal and that's when I reconciled with it,"

Remus was silent for a moment, mulling it over. He appreciated Sirius' honesty and vulnerability, and Marlene's words echoed in his mind, of how Sirius had welcomed him in like he was "one of his own". 

"What about you?" Sirius said, his voice soft. Remus looked at him.

"At the bar. The first work drinks. Gideon," 

Sirius' eyes widened. "That was when?" He said. "Oh... The 'crisis',"

"Yup. I'm wondering if maybe I didn't realise until I, too, was in a situation where I could heal," Remus replied, his voice quiet and reflective. 

"So, Gideon then, huh?"

"I haven't spoken to him since," Remus said quickly (a little too quickly). "He was kind of just... there,"

Sirius burst out laughing. "God, Moony, you are such a romantic," 

Remus' mouth quirked in a smile at how much he sounded like Mary. 

"Did you plan on telling anyone? Or did James-" Sirius' eyes looked thoughtful. Remus nodded slightly.

"I'm sorry, Moony, Prongs didn't think,"

"It's okay," Remus said quietly.

"No, it's not. He knew I'd be fine with it, which is why he said but he still should've checked with you first,"

Remus gave him a small smile. 

"We have a lot in common," Sirius said after a moment, his voice quiet. Remus had been thinking the same thing: family issues, sexuality issues, finding time to heal.

"Experience wise, maybe," Remus corrected. "Not quite in personality,"

"Ah, is that your way of calling me obnoxious?" Sirius teased.

"Effortlessly cool, I was thinking," Remus blurted out before thinking. His face reddened slightly at the honesty. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.

"You flatter me, Lupin," 

"Ah, but no return of the compliment?" Remus replied confidently.

"Come on, you know you're cool," Sirius waved a dismissive hand and Remus burst out laughing. "You don't believe me?"

"Oh no, I do," Remus rolled his eyes.

"I like seeing you squirm when I compliment you," Sirius leaned forward and rested his chin in his hands. Coincidentally, Remus suddenly became very aware of his breathing. 

"I do not 'squirm',"

"Oh you do, Lupin, you so do. I wonder what would happen if I called you funny, too," Sirius smiled devilishly. Remus shifted on his feet.

"I don't 'squirm', especially when I know you are saying it just for a reaction,"

"As much as I love making you uncomfortable like this, I don't lie, Lupin. You are funny, cool-,"

"What happened to 'Moony'?" Remus raised an eyebrow, hoping to move the conversation on before his knees actually buckled from the attention.

"Every time I call you Lupin, you blush," Sirius leaned back in the stool with his hands behind his head, lifting his shirt up slightly to reveal his hips. Remus found it difficult to tear his eyes away from the strip of skin and hoped Sirius didn't notice - although his smirk suggested otherwise.

"What do I call you, then? Black?"

"Nah, I like the sound of my first name in your mouth," Sirius replied casually. "Not the only thing I like in my-" Sirius' sentence was interrupted by the ringing of Remus' phone. 

He reacted a second late, pulling out his phone (difficult, his hands had gotten clammy) and saw it flash with 'James'.

"Hello?"

"Remus, thank god, is Sirius with you?" James' voice sounded a strange mix of relieved and desperate.

"Yeah, he is," 

"That bast- Sorry, he wasn't picking up and I was worried. He's not bothering you is he?"

"Um, no he's not bothering me," Remus looked up at Sirius and raised an eyebrow. Sirius smirked back and mouthed: "Of course I'm not,"

"Would he be able to stay with you tonight? I know it's a big ask, I just don't trust him to get home if I ordered him a taxi and-"

"James, it's okay, he can stay here," Remus replied. Sirius looked up sharply and his smirk deepened.

"Cheers, mate, I owe you one. Or he owes you one. Either way, we'll pay you back. Goodnight, Rem,"

"Night, James," Remus ended the call. 

"Sleepover?" Sirius asked, his eyes open in mock-innocence.

"You're drunk, come on, I'll set you up on my sofa," Remus rolled his eyes and began to pull some sheets out from a cupboard.

"You are very perceptive, Moony,"

"Cheers,"

"And here I thought we could share your bed, would save some effort..." Sirius sighed dramatically. He began to stand up to help but was too fast, for he stumbled and Remus lunged out and barely caught his arms before he fell to the floor.

"Come on," He murmured as he guided Sirius onto the sofa. 

"Thank you, Moony," Sirius mumbled. Remus began to pull away when Sirius grabbed onto his arm. 

"Moony..."

"Sirius," Remus replied quietly.

"Can you stay with me for a bit?" Sirius looked up and suddenly appeared very, very small.

"Sure," Remus lowered himself onto the floor and leant against the sofa, so that when Sirius lay across it, Remus was right next to him, sat just below his torso.

They relaxed in silence for a couple minutes.

"I go to bars and then see those people... because I don't want to be alone," Sirius whispered so quietly that for a moment Remus thought he imagined it.

"You aren't alone, Sirius, you have me," Remus whispered back. "And James, Lily, Marlene, everyone else," He added afterwards, blushing slightly.

"I have you..." Sirius repeated as he drifted off to sleep. 

Remus looked over at him and watched the slow rise and fall of his chest, the way his dark eyelashes looked against his skin and the peacefulness of his sleep. He felt a deep sense of longing in his chest, so painful that it engulfed every other thought in Remus' mind. He blinked back tears as he realised that being Sirius' friend would never be enough. He would never be able to settle for just his friend.

However, for the moment, he would be here, keeping Sirius company. Making sure he wasn't alone.


	13. Chapter 13

Thursday, October 31st

Remus had to wake early for a class and tiptoed around his flat getting ready to avoid waking Sirius up. He shamelessly ate his breakfast whilst watching Sirius sleep, hyper focused on the slow rise and fall of his chest which indicated that he was unconscious and therefore safe for Remus to observe.

He didn't know when he would be able to be this close to Sirius again.

It hurt him to think it but Remus knew that he had to distance himself. It wasn't right to overthink Sirius' behaviour, to twist it into meaning something that it wasn't meant to mean. Sure, Sirius came to him when he didn't want to be alone, and he was flirty and made dirty jokes, but where had he been just a couple hours earlier? Someone else's bed, probably saying the exact same things.

Remus found it hard to be Sirius' friend but would find it harder to be Sirius' hookup, someone he fucked to not feel lonely and then ignored. But Remus wasn't even sure that Sirius had been approaching that. How embarrassing would it be to think that and find that Sirius was just being friendly. 

All in all, Sirius was a mind-fuck. It would be better to distance himself whilst he untangled his confusion and focused on other things.

On his way out, he scribbled a note for Sirius and opened the door. As he was leaving, he thought he heard Sirius mutter, "Moony?", but he shook his head and left. It was irrelevant. He knew that if he went back, and Sirius was awake, he would lose his resolve. He had to be strong for just this little bit and then it would get easier. He'd be able to be Sirius' friend without the aching sense of longing that occupied his heart.

Although it wasn't quite what Mary had suggested, Remus made a plan regarding Sirius. It wasn't a 'How to get Sirius to like him back', more a 'Multi-step plan in bettering Remus' life and getting over Sirius before he made an embarrassing assumption and humiliated himself'. Catchy, I know.

The plan started with leaving up the photo. The comments, likes and messages were validating. 

The next step was rescheduling shifts at the shop; Remus had been working more than him and Lily had initially agreed to, but he now cut back and started to work only on days where he had no university - Fridays, Saturdays and then Sundays (shorter day). For those shifts, he only had Saturday with Sirius, but he would also be working alongside Lily for the whole day, James for part of the day, and Marlene for the rest so there would never be a moment where they were alone together. 

Of course, he realised he might suffer a bit financially for this, but resolved that it would pay off long term by giving him more undivided focus on work for his course. However, he did submit his CV to one of his professors looking for a team of assistants for another minimum wage package and some brownie-points towards his degree. 

Remus also started accepting Mary's invitations to go out more - he was a student, it made sense for him to do student-y things like go to bars and complain about lecturers to people on his course. He saw Gideon, again, for the first time since That Night, but he had a new boyfriend and so the two moved smoothly past the incident, pretending it never happened. 

It was the first week of Remus' new plan and he walked into the shop early on Saturday emotionally prepared, repeating his mantra 'Move on to move up' (he'd watched a few too many Ted talks). Unfortunately, this was almost entirely dashed by the simple sight of Sirius. God that man was attractive, it was so unfair.

Sirius worked all day on Saturday because it was the busiest day and he was the best at placating customers who complained about the wait times at checkout. Lily worked all day Saturday, bar the last hour, but spent the majority of the time in the office doing 'Manager Things'. James worked the first half and then went to football practice in the afternoon. Marlene took the afternoon, usually nursing a hangover in the morning. 

Saturday, November 2nd

Well, that was what Remus had prepared for, at least. It had worked perfectly on the first Saturday. He was able to keep to himself, leaving either James or Marlene to interact with Sirius. There was a particularly uncomfortable moment when he heard Sirius trying to approach him during a break but he simply barricaded himself in the bathroom until he heard Sirius leave again. You know, casual.

Saturday, November 9th

He was hoping for similar success on the following Saturday. Instead, he found that Marlene was attending a wedding with Dorcas and would therefore not be there in the afternoon, and Lily had a meeting for the better half of the day so would also not be there for the majority of the day. Sure, it was stressful manning an entire mini-supermarket on a Saturday afternoon with just two people, but even more stressful when it was Remus and the exact person he was trying to avoid.

When Remus entered the backroom just before opening, Sirius and James were already sat at the table. Remus wordlessly grabbed his uniform and took it with him to the bathroom to change.

"Will you be oka-" Remus heard James start to say through the wall.

"Shhh, he can hear," Sirius interrupted.

Remus swallowed nervously and as he changed, he heard nothing else other than the door swing when James and Sirius returned to the front of the shop. 

He, too, then left the backroom and got to work. For the first few hours, he was left alone to his own thoughts, simply going through the motions of ringing up customers, finding them items, stocking shelves. He was interrupted from this monotony by James clocking out.

"Oi, Pads, behave alright?" He called as he left. Not scary at all.

Remus continued to place the items on the shelves from his crouched position but heard the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Remus," Sirius said. Remus could see his shoes out of the corner of his eye. He paused.

"Sirius," Remus replied.

"You've been avoiding me,"

"No, I haven't,"

Sirius made an exasperated sound.

"Look at me," He said quietly. Remus stood up straight and turned to look at him, although he had to angle his face downwards for the height difference.

"I haven't been avoiding you,"

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the sound of a group of customers entering the shop. He set his jaw and instead snapped:

"We are going out for drinks after this and talking, you don't get a choice,"

Remus rolled his eyes and moved towards the tills. 

\--<>\--

"Come on, Remus, let's go," Sirius said the second the shop had been completely locked up. Remus groaned inwardly but followed him towards the Three Broomsticks.

They walked in silence and, upon arrival, Sirius ordered them beers and led Remus out to the garden area.

"Thought we should sit here in case it got rowdy," Sirius said dryly.

"Rowdy..." Remus muttered.

He sat across the outdoor-table from Remus and sipped his drink. Sirius was quiet but seemed to be studying him, his eyes flicking over him.

"So now are you going to tell me why you've been ignoring me?" 

_It's been only two weeks and he already noticed? Maybe he misses me..._ Remus suppressed that thought.

"I haven't been-"

"You changed the entire work schedule, are always busy when Lily or James invite you out and barely speak to me at work," Sirius interrupted, his voice angry. Remus looked at him sharply, surprised at the passion in his voice.

"I haven't been ignoring-"

"Bullshit!" Sirius yelled. Remus moved back, startled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout," Sirius apologised. "But the point stands. You get scared or something? I was vulnerable with you and then you completely blocked me out?"

"What? Oh, Sirius, it's not because of that-"

"But you admit it? You have been ignoring me?"

"Will you let me finish a fucking sentence?"

"Considering you've done nothing but lie, I'm not sure what the point is of letting you talk," Sirius glared at Remus from across the table.

"If you want to just yell at me, go ahead, but don't set it up like a 'conversation'," Remus glared back.

"Okay, fine," 

"So you'll let me speak?"

"No, I'll just yell at you," 

Remus scoffed.

"It's fucked up. I don't... open up to people. It's not what I do. Starting to remember why," Sirius said, his voice cold. "I'm sorry if you don't want to speak to me anymore, now that you know my life isn't perfect-"

"I never thought your life was perfect," Remus interrupted. 

Sirius rolled his eyes. "That's the part you pick up on?"

"And if you'll let me speak-" Remus continued. "Then you would know it has nothing to do with that. I'm glad you felt you could speak to me. I'm glad you opened up, but..." Remus paused, making a mental decision. The idea that Sirius thought he was ignoring him because he'd talked about his feelings was a very unwelcome one (and something that Remus had not anticipated Sirius to think) but telling the truth was embarrassing.

"But what?" Sirius pressed and Remus was startled to see that Sirius looked like he was blinking back tears.

Remus had absolutely no clue what to say. His mind was blank, and he was panicking. He would not, and could not, tell Sirius the truth (sorry to disappoint). Even if Sirius did feel the same, he wouldn't want the same things. Remus didn't do one-night stands, or hook-ups, or friends with benefits. He got too attached. But from the looks of it, Sirius was the opposite. Didn't do relationships - even Marcus, his ex, had been only a one month thing, according to Marlene. Was that his idea of a 'serious relationship'? He imagined it, right then:

_"I started ignoring you because I like you, a lot, and I couldn't handle being just friends with you,"_

_"Moony, I feel the same way!"_

_"Oh, you do?"_

_"Yes! Shame I don't do serious relationships, though. You want to hook-up on the side whilst I see other people too? No? Well, that's all you can hope for,"_

And that was the better result. The worse result would be:

_"I started ignoring you because I like you, a lot, and I couldn't handle being just friends with you,"_

_"Oh, Remus, I'm sorry but I'm not interested..."_

_"Oh..."_

_"Yeah, please never speak to me again, this is awkward as hell,"_

So that left Remus with exactly zero options. 

"Remus? You're going all moony again," Sirius chuckled lightly but Remus heard his voice break slightly. And that was it. That little crack of his voice broke Remus down completely. How could someone have this much of an effect on him? How could Remus ignore everything that his mind was screaming at him to do, just to make sure Sirius would never hurt again?

"I won't ignore you anymore," Remus said quietly.

"But why did you in the first place?"

Remus stayed silent and hoped Sirius would get the message. Sirius let out an exasperated sound, which sounded a lot like: _You know, I'll leave it for now but we are discussing this again later._ Maybe Remus would have found an appropriate lie by then. 

"You know, you missed my birthday," Sirius said lightly.

"I did?" Remus raised his head.

"Yep. Last Sunday, the 3rd,"

"I'll make it up to you?" Remus offered. 

"That's nice of you," Sirius said, his voice still light and airy. 

"You sound weird," Remus blurted out.

"You are being weird," Sirius replied, monotone. "You admit that you were ignoring me but refuse to give a reason why,"

They sat there in the most awkward silence that you can imagine. Remus knew this was his fault. He hadn't expected Sirius to really even notice, let alone think that it was because he'd gotten uncomfortable with Sirius' confessions. He should have prepared some sort of believable story - it flickered through his brain that maybe if he thought of something food-related, Sirius would feel bad for him and drop it. But he dismissed that idea immediately. That would feel... wrong.

In conclusion, Remus was an idiot. His plan had failed. Maybe it had been a nice two weeks, but he hadn't gotten over Sirius. Now he seemed weird and sensitive. They were still sat in silence. Everything was so unbelievably awkward.

And so, in a fun turn of events, it was almost a relief to have one of the rugby-lads who occasionally occupied the pub approach the two men to let out a slew of drunken homophobic remarks. It was almost a relief to give Remus something to do - that 'something' being to stand up, an inch taller than the guy, and punch the fucker right in the nose. It was almost a relief to be distracted by the pain in his fist and the ensuing tussle that occurred.

Besides, Remus had always hated rugby-guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to write, can you tell?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashbacks in this chapter are particularly triggering - if you want to skip them, they are in italics.

_"Lupin, what the fuck happened out there?" Remus sat gasping for breath in the locker room after a match. He just wanted to be left alone but Greyback was staring down at him, his eyes flashing with anger. "You let them get the ball so easy?"_

_Remus didn't reply. Couldn't, even if he wanted to. His head was spinning with exhaustion and there were little sparkly dots in the corner of his vision._

_"You been pigging out, huh? Was that why you failed?" Greyback spat. "You are a failure. Can't stick to any kind of regiment, can't follow instructions, you are weedy. Pathetic. Weak. Look at you,"_

_Remus clenched his jaw and bit back a reply. Fenrir only wanted what was best for him. It was Remus' fault that he didn't stick to the diet plan. He would do better, prove that he wasn't a disappointment, prove that-_

_"I regret ever having met you. What did I even see in you? Can't believe I ever thought you'd be any good," Greyback snapped._

Sunday November 10th

Remus woke up gasping for breath. His head throbbed and for a moment, he was transported, and he was 17 again. But he then rubbed his eyes and realised that he was okay, he was in Mary's flat, he was fine.

Wait, how did he get here?

Last he remembered, he was at the pub with Sirius, and then some rugby-guy came over and- oh. That explains the throbbing head then. He sat up too quickly and let out a groan, collapsing back onto the bed. He heard the door open and then;

"Remus? Are you awake?"

"Mary?" He muttered.

"Yes, Remus, it's Mary. Sirius is just making you some breakfast,"

Remus sat up again (slowly, this time) and opened his eyes. Mary was stood in front of him and her mouth was puckered with worry. She reached over and pressed something cold against the side of Remus' head and he sighed in contentment as it began to numb the pain that had been bothering him. 

"Do you remember what happened?" She said quietly.

"Not really. Punched that guy, didn't I? Would be foolish to think he wouldn't punch back," Remus chuckled. 

"He was worse off, though," Remus looked over to see Sirius leaning against the door frame, grinning. 

"Yeah?" Remus grinned back, wincing only slightly. 

Mary tutted. 

"Well, let's see," Sirius walked over and sat next to Remus on the bed. "You punched that guy, broke his nose, he punched back, then you managed to get him on the floor and he ran like the absolute wimp he is, only you were a little unsteady on your feet and so I called Mary to help get you back here,"

"Sirius slept on the sofa. Didn't want to leave until he knew you were alright," Mary remarked with a knowing stare, which Remus pointedly ignored. 

"Thanks for letting me," Sirius replied. "Reckon I gave your roommate a fright, though,"

"Serves her right, don't think she's taken the rubbish out once since she moved in," Mary replied, slightly irritated.

"Ah, roommate troubles, is that what's waiting for me?" Sirius said lightly.

"What do you mean?" Remus looked up.

"I reckon Lily and James will be moving in together any day now, will probably want to live together just them,"

"I'll just finish up in the kitchen..." Mary handed Sirius the ice pack and, on her way out, winked at Remus. He would've rolled his eyes in response but his head ached too much.

"They won't kick you out or anything," Remus replied.

"Nah, but I wouldn't want to cramp their style or anything," Sirius pressed the ice pack onto the same spot that Mary had been attending too.

"Where do you reckon you'll move to?"

"Nearby. Don't think Prongs or I would survive if we were too far away from each other,"

"How do you feel about that?"

Sirius looked at Remus and pursed his lips.

"End of an era, I suppose. But good in some ways," He said vaguely. Remus got the message - he'd have to build up Sirius' trust again before he confided anymore.

"How bad does it hurt?" Sirius said softly.

"Like a bitch," Remus said dryly. Sirius snickered.

"You've got a black eye, you know? You look tough," Sirius said with a note of pride.

"I've always been tough, now that's just reflected in my appearance," Remus joked.

"I'm sorry for calling you a hipster before, Moony, please don't punch me," Sirius joked back. "Mary mentioned that you actually used to play rugby? You were one of those rugby guys?"

Remus stiffened. "Yeah, I did. For a bit. But no, I was never a 'rugby guy',"

Sirius continued to press the ice pack to Remus' head and his hand rested on Remus' other temple, massaging soft circles that prompted sighs of relief to stream from Remus' mouth.

"Do you want to see it? The black eye?"

Remus shrugged but stood up and walked over to Mary's mirror. He stifled a gasp as he saw his appearance. A reddish-purple bruise was beginning to form over his left eye. He traced it with his fingers, wincing slightly even from the lightest of pressure. His lip looked like it had been split but was healing quickly and his cheekbones jarred against the surface of his skin.

_"Lupin, you'll never be intimidating like this. What would be so hard about getting your lazy ass to the gym once in a while? Getting some muscle? Or is the team not worth it, eh? Would you rather stay pathetic forever or let me help you?"_

"What do you think?" Remus saw in the mirror Sirius walk over to him and stand beside him. 

"I look like hell," Remus said flatly.

"Didn't know hell looked this good," Sirius murmured. Remus chuckled. "Come on, let's get some breakfast in you," Sirius pulled Remus towards the kitchen.

Remus was half-way through his bowl of porridge when he became increasingly aware of two sets of eyes watching his every move. 

"What?" He asked. Mary pursed her lips.

"Sirius said you had only drunk half your beer last night..."

"Yes, and?" Remus frowned.

"Well, you were so unsteady on your feet, you can't have eaten enough before drinking to have gotten like that so fast," Mary frowned as well. 

"I'd just gotten punched in the head..." Remus pointed out, confused. "Is this what we are doing now? Have you been waiting for someone else to know so you can have secret conferences about me? Just because I've had issues before, doesn't mean the minute I eat weirdly one day, I've suddenly relapsed,"

"We are just concerned," Mary pressed, her eyes wide. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Treating me like I am a child who doesn't know what is best for me makes it worse," Remus said, frustrated. 

_It was a month before Remus was due to move into his university accommodation. Fenrir had been in the small Welsh town all summer, pushing Remus harder and harder through drills._

_"I'm not going to see you for months now, Lupin, is this really the lasting impression you want to leave with me?"_

_Fenrir had always been hard. Always pushed Remus to his limits. But he did it because he knew what was right for him. He knew what was best._

_Until one day, when Remus was pushed too far, had eaten too little, had worked too hard. And he collapsed. He remembers bright lights, hospital beds, the sound of crying._

_"Honey, we want to keep you at home for a bit longer, just to keep an eye on you," His mother's voice._

_"But I start university soon, I have to go to London..."_

_"No, honey, you'll be staying at home,"_

"I can look after myself," Remus looked pointedly at Mary and then Sirius, who had stayed largely silent, biting his lip in worry. "I am okay," He repeated, softer this time.

He understood that they were just worried about him but Remus was fine. He was okay. But he needed to be able to control his own life. Mary and Sirius were nothing like Greyback, but relinquishing control felt too similar. 

"You are still coming with us to the Potters for Christmas, right?" Sirius asked, his voice slightly timider than usual.

"Yeah, if that's still okay," Remus smiled tightly at Sirius.

"Of course," Sirius smiled back.

Mary cleared her throat. "Alright, I have to go to work but help yourself to whatever," She kissed Remus on the cheek and then gave Sirius a quick hug before leaving, again pausing to wink at Remus who rolled his eyes despite the pain that it caused.

Sirius let Remus eat the rest of his breakfast without any further interrogation. Remus also noticed his eyes flicking between Remus' food and the wall behind him, nervous to be accused of staring. It was kind of sweet.

"I'm going to stay with the current work schedule that I have now," Remus said quietly. "It's been easier with school and stuff,"

"Oh. Yeah, yeah, I understand," Sirius pushed his hand through his hair. 

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course, why wouldn't it be,"

Remus didn't reply.

"I'll figure it out eventually, you know," Sirius said.

"Figure what out?"

"Why you started ignoring me,"

"Yeah," Remus murmured. "You probably will,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than normal - I was wondering if anyone had any feedback before I publish the next parts, please let me know your thoughts, I'd love to hear them!


	15. Chapter 15

_Remus started up at his ceiling, his gloom setting in._

_"Remus, honey, you must understand that your father and I are worried-" Remus scoffed "-It is not practical for you to move countries with no one there to check you are okay,"_

_"Mary will be there,"_

_"You know it is not fair to put all the responsibility on her,"_

_Remus didn't reply. He knew his mother was right - at least in that regard. He just wished... he just wished things were different. He wished he'd never met Fenrir, wished he'd never descended down that route of self-destruction, wished he'd realised it sooner. Wished he could be 'normal', and could follow his school-friends to university. But in a way, the longing that Remus felt for things being different gave him a surge of motivation:_

_He would do anything to be 'normal' again, do anything to see Mary again, do anything to leave his home, where everyone was simultaneously walking on egg shells around Remus' 'problem' and Remus' father. Even the smallest reminder of why Remus was there, and not in London, was enough to send Lyall into a fit of rage and Remus into an episode of despair. (I'll spare you the details of what Lyall was exactly angry about, god knows it wasn't any rational reason)._

_Lyall had been ecstatic when Remus joined the rugby team; coincidentally, Fenrir had reminded Remus a lot of his father. When they'd had a particularly bad training session, and all Remus wanted to do was bury himself in his duvet, he had instead faced lectures and 'punishments' from Greyback - and then he would come home and receive similar treatment from his own father._

_Ironic, isn't it? It was partly Lyall who caused Remus' 'problem' but also Lyall who spurred Remus' recovery - if only to get away from him. He had worked hard that year before leaving for university in in-patient programmes, group therapy, one-to-one counselling, the lot. His mother had been reluctant to stand up for Remus when Lyall lectured, but she had supported his recovery in the background. Sometimes Remus felt bad that he'd left her behind, but that was too much pressure to put on a teenager. It was okay that Remus put himself, and his own safety and well-being, first. It was one of the only times that Remus had done such a thing, and it paid off._

_Remus still worked hard everyday to keep himself from falling back into it. It got easier and easier everyday. People like Mary were absolutely crucial, distraction was crucial, affirmations were crucial, prioritising Remus' well-being was crucial. It was all crucial in pushing Remus to the place he was now. A place where he could look back at where he came from and be proud of how far he had come._

\--<>\--

*Mystery Gang*

Lily: please please please can we turn this week's "Friday work drinks" into "Friday movie night"

James: anything for you my darling lily-flower

Sirius: cringe

James: don't be jelly Pads

Marlene: depends the movie. I can't see us ever agreeing

Lily: well... Frank has actually planned to make an appearance and has suggested a movie and I'm too pleased that he and Alice are coming to suggest anything else

Remus: what's the movie?

Sirius: wait can we guess

James: the game - what is the elusive Frank Longbottom's taste in movies?

Lily: sure !

Marlene: Jennifer's Body

Remus: brilliant movie

Marlene: right??

Remus: absolutely not what Frank would choose though. the man is more of a Quentin Tarantino guy, you know? I think 'Deathproof'

Sirius: a Quentin Tarantino guy? that is so rude

James: I'm going to throw a curveball and suggest The Conjuring

Lily: I guess Titanic

Sirius: Lily you know what movie he suggested

Lily: I know, I just felt left out :( it's not Titanic

Sirius: I guess... Mean Girls 2

Lily: surprisingly, the closet was Sirius. yes, that is correct, the evasive Frank Longbottom suggested Legally Blonde

Remus: that is a very feel-good movie

Marlene: remus, we think so much alike. I rewatch it whenever a man tests me 

Sirius: Moony can you please bring me that pink sparkly vodka that just came in, I hid a bottle in the toilet paper aisle so it wouldn't run out

Remus: yepp :)

Sirius: thank you Moony :)

Remus: no problem :)

Sirius: see you :)

James: <3

Marlene: <3

Lily: <3

Remus: wait what does that mean

\--<>\--

Friday, November 15th

The 'Mystery Gang', as they were now called for the time-being, (plus Frank and Alice) all congregated in James and Sirius' apartment, as they had the biggest living room and the best snack selection. The apartment was also immaculate, and Remus wondered bemused whether it was Sirius or James who was the clean-freak. 

They all scattered across the sofas, distributed blankets, poured drinks and when they all eventually settled in to watch the movie, Remus found himself at the end of the sofa with Sirius directly to his left. The room was dark but Remus could just make out Sirius' profile, the delicateness of his wrist as he reached for his drink, the shape of his lips as he smiled at something James said from Sirius' other side.

Remus licked his lips and turned to the TV screen, frustrated at the amount of time he spent looking and admiring Sirius. 

However... it was very dark. Surely Sirius wouldn't notice if Remus spent a little bit of time appreciating Sirius' face... 

"Why is Elle and Vivienne fighting over Warner? The dude looks like he finds barbecue sauce spicy," Marlene said, in the middle of the movie. "Besides, Brooke is clearly the hottest person in this entire movie," Lily giggled

"Okay, okay, I am very straight, but I would personally do anything for Emmett," James raised his hands in defence.

"Me too. Why'd you think I picked this movie?" Frank responded. The group laughed.

"I should've handed my CV in on scented, pink paper," Remus piped up.

"I would've hired you as soon as you handed it to me," Lily giggled again - she was always the first to get tipsy.

"Can we play a drinking game for the rest of the movie?' Marlene suggested.

"Yes, yes, yes," Sirius said eagerly.

"Everyone, do a shot whenever Elle wears pink," Alice said.

"Do you want us to black-out?" Marlene replied.

"Absolutely," 

"Moony," Sirius whispered, moving closer to Remus so that he wasn't overheard. "How are you getting home?"

"Bus, probably,"

"That's what I thought you'd say," Even in the dark, Remus could see Sirius frowning. "Stay over, again. We can head to work together tomorrow," 

"Sure," Remus replied, smiling dopily, too drunk to think rationally. At this point, his only thoughts were about Sirius, and the scent of Sirius' cologne, the sight of his collarbones, the feeling of his breath as he spoke close to Remus' ear.

Sirius smiled back, causing Remus to exhale slowly at the very sight of it. Sirius raised an eyebrow but turned back to the movie. 

"This is my favourite part," Alice announced.

"And she's wearing pink. Take a shot!" Marlene yelled. The whole group reached forward and took a shot. 

"Yuck," Lily grumbled.

When the movie ended, the group spread out across the apartment: Lily went into James' room to change clothes; Alice and Frank began to bring through food from the kitchen; Marlene and James set up a game of Just Dance on the TV.

"Pads, you are on my team," James called. "Us versus Marls and Remus, best of five, baby!" The two men high-fived and James and Marlene took their positions as a Britney Spears song flooded out from the speakers.

"Look how competitive James gets," Sirius murmured to Remus. The two of them were still sat close next to each other on the sofa, despite the rest of the seats being empty now.

"I didn't expect him to be anything but competitive," Remus replied. "Are you a good dancer? Just so I know what I'm up against,"

"Only ballroom,"

Remus looked at Sirius, expecting to see a glint of humour but there was none.

"You are kidding, you don't actually know how to ballroom dance, do you?"

"Please, I can waltz like nobody's business," Sirius turned to Remus and raised an eyebrow.

"Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm surprised. Makes sense, on some level,"

Sirius snickered. "Well, what about you, Moony? You a dancer?"

"Nah, I am very uncoordinated,"

"Well, I'll just have to teach you then," Sirius smirked and Remus' heart fluttered.

"I won! Fuck you, Potter! Marls is the dancing queen!" Marlene crowed and James forgot his competitiveness for a moment to laugh heartily at her reaction.

"Alright, Rem, do me proud," Marlene held Remus by the shoulders in an impersonation of a school sports coach as Remus and Sirius approached the TV.

"Okay, Moony, you get to choose the song, I'm giving you an advantage," 

"Why, thank you, Sirius," Remus scrolled through the different songs before settling on 'Tongue Tied' by Grouplove. 

It was a tight competition - Sirius was slightly hampered by his insistence on singing every lyric, which left him too breathless to focus on the dancing. Remus kept getting distracted by Sirius' shirt riding up and down and, as he had said, was very uncoordinated. In typical Just Dance fashion, the more energetic competitor scored less so it was ultimately Remus who won.

"You fucker, I just let you win because you have a boo-boo," Sirius collapsed onto the sofa as James and Marlene took over.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night," Remus sat carefully on the same sofa as him, and looked over and smirked.

"Aw, are you guys playing Just Dance without me?" Lily snuck into the room and threw herself in-between Sirius and Remus.

"I don't think you'd be able to make it through a song without vomiting, I'll be real with you, Lils," James called out, panting slightly from the speed of the dance.

"Where do you think I've been for the last ten minutes? I reckon I've got it all out of my system," Lily tried to stand up but wobbled and with a yelp fell back down onto the sofa. "On second thought, I'll just watch,"

"Good idea, Lils," Sirius remarked. Lily picked up a blanket from the floor and flung it over herself. She then reached an arm over Sirius' shoulders, and another over Remus' and pulled them in into they relented and got under the blanket together.

"Cosy," Lily sighed happily. 

"I swear you regress into a nine-year-old when you drink," Sirius said.

"Mmm," Lily closed her eyes and leaned back on the sofa.

Marlene won the next game again, winning the best-of-five without even the need for another two games. Sirius and Remus carefully left Lily underneath the bundle of blankets and as they both padded towards the kitchen, James settled in next to her, stroking her hair with an adoring look in his eyes.

"Sickening, isn't it," Sirius said, once they'd left earshot.

"You're just bitter," Remus said smirking. He reached for two glasses and poured the two of them water. He found himself picking the same glass as he had had the last time he was there, the one that seemed familiar.

"Do you recognise it?" Sirius said softly. Remus considered the glass for a moment, before it came to him.

"This is the glass I was drinking from at the first work drinks," He realised.

"Yep, took it when you went outside,"

"Why?"

"I had a good feeling we'd be friends, and I wanted to remember our first time out together," Sirius said gently. Despite the sweet sentiment, the word 'friends' was a brutal reminder of where Remus stood. He always let himself get his hopes up, always convinced himself that Sirius was flirting with him and then he was slapped in the face with the harsh reality.

He looked up and gave Sirius a tight smile. 

"Hey, Sirius, do you have any mango juice?" Marlene sauntered into the kitchen, and was closely followed by James.

"Sorry, Pads, I told her to wait," James quickly grabbed a carton of juice from the fridge and then grabbed Marlene, pulling her out of the room with him. Before the door shut, he heard Marlene say:

"Wait, is he about to- oh!"

Remus looked at Sirius and frowned, confused.

"Why'd he apologise? What's happening?"

Sirius was staring at the counter in front of him. He hesitated and then looked up and smiled gently at Remus,

"Don't worry about it,"


	16. Chapter 16

Friday, November 15th

Sirius was staring at the counter in front of him. He hesitated and then looked up and smiled gently at Remus,

"Don't worry about it,"

Sirius' phone buzzed from his pocket. He pulled it out, looked at it and then stuffed it back in his pocket.

"You missing a hot date for this?" Remus joked.

"Nah," Sirius said, his voice flat. "I'd never organise a date on a Friday night, that is especially reserved for this,"

"Every other night, free rein, though," Remus' voice came out slightly harder than he intended.

"Hmm," Sirius made a non-committal sound as his phone buzzed a few more times from his pocket. He sighed and pulled it out,

"Sorry, guess I have to take this,"

Sirius left the kitchen, leaving Remus there alone. He started after him as he left, thoroughly confused. But then he shrugged, and made his way to the balcony, pulling out a pack of cigarettes as he went.

"Can I have one?" Remus turned to see Lily unsteadily entering the balcony and he handed her one before lighting it for her. They both settled into chairs and sat in amicable silence - something about the balcony just necessitated a few seconds of silence before talking. Something about the view, something about the cold air. Who knows.

"Didn't know you smoked," Remus said, turning to look at Lily. As if to punctuate what he said, she inhaled and choked, coughing slightly.

"Only when drunk. I'll still lecture you about the risks of it whilst sober," Lily said, after she had recovered. Remus smiled at her. Of course she would - Lily was always so reliably Lily.

Something occurred to him, and he looked at her, thinking for a moment. It may be the alcohol talking, but this could be a good idea...

"Lily, you've known Sirius for a while now..." 

Lily looked at him sharply and her mouth began to form a small smirk.

"Yes, since we were twelve. I went to James and Sirius' sister-school,"

"And so you know him quite well..."

"Yes, Remus, I would say I know him quite well,"

Remus turned to her, his eyes slightly desperate. 

"How bad would it be if I kind of, sort of, maybe, just a bit liked him," He said it all in a big rush, too worried that he would lose his cool part way through. 

"Oh, Remus," Lily discarded her cigarette and caressed his cheek with her hand. "It wouldn't be bad..."

"There is a 'but'. I hear a 'but'," 

"If you are looking for how Sirius feels about you, that's not something I know nor would say even if I did. But, Remus," Lily hesitated. "I care about you a lot as a friend and I'd want you to go into it knowing what you may get," 

"And what might I get?" Remus' voice came out as barely a whisper.

And then Lily confirmed Remus' worries:

"Sirius hasn't ever... done serious relationships. The longest he's been with a person is maybe two months, before he gets... distracted," Lily spoke slowly, careful to do both her friends justice.

Remus let out a big sigh and blew smoke upwards. Yeah, sounds about right.

"I don't even know if he likes me like that, let alone assume he'd suddenly change for me," Remus murmured. He didn't feel quite as heartbroken as he expected, though he reckoned that might come later. It was more like a confirmation of what Remus had been thinking about: _if_ Sirius liked him back, _if_ Sirius suddenly changed what he wanted from relationships, _if_ Remus could compromise on that. Too many ifs.

"I'm sorry, Remus," Lily said gently. "I don't mean that you shouldn't go for it, just that if you do, that might happen," 

Remus stubbed out his cigarette in the ash tray and ran his hands through his hair. 

"What was everyone talking about before? Marlene asked if he was about to 'do it'," 

Lily frowned. "I'm not sure," 

Remus let out another exasperated sigh and lit a second cigarette. 

"Is this why you changed your work-hours? To avoid him?" Lily said. Remus paused, and he was grateful he did because suddenly: 

"Moony?" Sirius poked his head onto the balcony - Remus blushed, hoping to god that he hadn't overheard anything. After a beat, Lily stood up and dusted off her legs, 

"I'm going to head in. Make sure you don't stay out for too long," Lily ruffled Remus' hair and gave Sirius a kiss on the cheek before going inside. 

Remus began to think. His mind had been a mess for months and there seemed to be nothing he could do to fix it. Every single cell in his body wanted Sirius, yearned for him and it was getting harder and harder each day to resist. Sure, they were parts of him that worried about the consequences, but at this point Remus... didn't care. Would being dumped by Sirius hurt more than this? It felt like nothing could hurt more than this. Maybe if Sirius rejected him, he could move on, safely knowing that it would never happen. Yeah, that sounds right; the not-knowing hurts so much more than having a definitive answer would. 

"Can I sit?" Sirius said, interrupting Remus' thoughts. 

"Of course, it's your balcony," 

Sirius perched on the seat that Lily had occupied moments before. 

"You had a question," Sirius said, and Remus turned to him sharply. "About what Marlene said," Remus relaxed. 

"Um, yeah," Remus looked away again. 

A pause. 

"What did you think she meant?"

"I have no clue," Remus said honestly. He felt a strange sort of tension in the air - not an angry tension, or something like that. More a tension filled with unspoken words, as if Sirius, too, had something he wanted to say but couldn't. 

"Moony, why did you ignore me?" Sirius' voice was gentle and Remus turned to him, embarrassed to find his eyes pricking with tears. 

"I couldn't handle it anymore..." He murmured, almost inaudibly. 

"Handle what, Moony?" 

Remus bit his lip and stood up, leaning against the railing of the balcony. Sirius followed, standing next to him. 

"Look at me, please," 

Remus turned to look at him. And that was it. It felt like a waterfall in Remus' body, whatever part of him had been begging him to see reason, pleading him to just 'move on', persuading him of the rational ending to this - Remus couldn't feel that anymore. All he could feel was the love that he held for Sirius, the care he felt, the protectiveness he felt, the fact that he would do anything for Sirius. And so, when he turned to look at Sirius, he said it.

"Sirius, I like you so much. More than maybe I should," Remus couldn't handle seeing Sirius' eyes as he rejected him, so he turned again but Sirius' hand shot out and stopped his head from moving. He held him by the cheek, his fingers landing just below Remus' bruise and he held Remus' head there. 

"In what way," Sirius whispered. 

"You know what way," 

And Sirius leant in and kissed him. And it was everything Remus had ever imagined. Sirius was gentle at first but the kiss got more frenzied, passionate, as it progressed. His hands were on Remus' jaw, fingers in his hair; Remus' hands were on Sirius' waist, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. They stayed like that, intertwined on the balcony, the London skyscape behind them as they held each other and kissed like they were starved. Sirius pulled back and began to press kisses against Remus' throat, down to his collarbone. Remus tilted his head back and sighed in contentment, 

"Moony, moony, moony..." Sirius whispered, his breath hot against Remus' cool skin. 

"Sirius..." Remus murmured in response. 

Sirius returned to Remus' mouth and the kiss became gentler, as if they were using it to show how much they cared for each other without words. The wind whipped at them but they ignored it, instead using the heat of their bodies to keep themselves happy. If Remus could stop time, he'd do it in that moment, to savour the pure joy he felt from being in Sirius' arms. 

Voices flooded out from the kitchen through the open balcony-door and Remus reluctantly pulled away. 

"Can we... talk later. About this," Remus murmured. Sirius nodded and stepped backwards just in time for James to poke his head round the balcony door, 

"Frank, Alice and Marlene are leaving, come say bye and be good host, Pads," 

Sirius followed James through the door, and Remus followed. They hugged and bid goodbyes to their three colleagues, and once the door shut behind them, Lily, James, Sirius and Remus stood together slightly awkwardly. 

"We are just going to..." Lily trailed off, but then shrugged and left, pulling James with her and leaving Sirius and Remus alone. 

"Come on, let's go to my bedroom," Sirius said after a moment before wincing, "Not like that..." 

Remus grinned, pleased that the tension had been somewhat broken and he followed Sirius down the hall. His bedroom was pretty much exactly as Remus had expected. There was a record player in the corner with a record-stand crammed with vinyls next to it; there was an overflowing ashtray on the window sill; a desk covered in scraps of paper and books discarded into piles in the corner. _James must be the tidy one, but who's really surprised..._

Sirius climbed onto the bed and sat crossed legged in the corner, before tapping the other corner for Remus to sit on. Remus obliged, folding his gangly limbs into a similar crossed-legged position. 

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Sirius said. Okay, scratch the part where the 'tension was broken' because it was definitely still there. However, Sirius was very intuitive and after Remus didn't speak immediately, he pulled out a pre-rolled joint from his bedside table and offered it. Remus took it gladly. 

"I don't know how to start," He said, once they'd smoked the joint and were half-way through another. 

"I can see that," 

"Do you... do you like me, then?" 

"Remus, you beautiful idiot, obviously I do," 

Remus had hoped that the answer would be 'yes' but he didn't expect the strength of that answer. 

"My god, you look so surprised," Sirius laughed. "We just spent like ten minutes making out on that freezing cold balcony, and you are asking if I like you?" 

"Well, I didn't want to assume..." Remus grinned at him, blushing slightly. 

"Is this where I ask if you like me?" 

"Nah, I don't," Remus joked. "See, I can't even sound sincere saying that. Yes, yes I do," 

"Good talk," Sirius said and he leaned in and kissed Remus again. Remus sighed into the kiss, before pulling away. "We need to talk more than that," 

"Whyyy," Sirius pouted. Remus sighed, 

"I'm not a very... spontaneous person. I need to know what we are doing, before we do it," Remus said finally. 

"Is that your way of asking 'what are we?' without being cliche?" Sirius smirked. Remus rolled his eyes fondly, 

"Yes, but now my efforts have been wasted because you made it cliche anyway," 

"Well... what do you want it to be?" 

"No, no, what do _you_ want it to be?" Remus pressed. "Please, I used all my self-assuredness on that balcony, I have no room to be confident anymore," 

"That was all of it? Well, that can't do. You must build up more," Sirius widened his eyes in mock-surprise. 

"If you... if you don't want to be exclusive right away, we don't have to be," Remus murmured, but even as he said it he hoped Sirius would disagree.

"Oh. Yeah, sure," Sirius agreed and Remus felt his heart break a little bit. _But only for now, then we can discuss it. It could be better in the long run..._

Sirius stroked the skin under Remus' healing black-eye with his thumb. "You know what I need? A good clear analysis of your thought process behind every interaction we've ever had because god knows I've been going crazy overthinking them," 

Remus opened his mouth in surprise, " _You've_ been overthinking things? Are you kidding?" 

"Well, you have that effect on me, Lupin," Sirius smirked. 

"You can definitely get my thoughts on each interaction, as long as I get yours," 

"Of course," Sirius murmured as he leaned in for another kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, but we aren't quite in the clear yet...
> 
> If it isn't clear, the balcony is off the kitchen, so to get to the balcony, you go through the kitchen.
> 
> Also! For my band pic (which will be coming soon, after 'Aisles') I will be exploring a different kind of relationship. In this fic, they bond quite quickly over shared experience and find themselves comfortable exploring that with each other, which they haven't had with other people - this will be different to the band fic. So if that's something you want, please stay tuned!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important: Depending on when you read the last chapter (Chapter 16), you may need to go back and reread the ending (edited on 21/01/21). As well as there being a glitch with the italics, I was generally unhappy with it and I am sorry, I know it might be a more... painful conclusion, but I promise it will pay off. I enjoy this more angst-y route, so I'm not actually _that_ sorry :)

Friday, 15th November

They lay like that for a further ten minutes, in each other's arms, with Remus' head placed against Sirius' chest and Sirius' back reclined against the headboard of the bed. He felt Sirius reach out a hand and slowly start to brush the back of Remus' head with his fingers, pausing occasionally to curl a piece of hair around his finger. Remus closed his eyes; he'd never felt this content in his whole life.

"You still awake?" Sirius whispered, as he continued to stroke Remus' head. 

"Mhm," Remus mumbled.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Anything,"

"When did you know you liked me?"

"It's complicated," Remus said softly. "I met you before I even knew I was gay, right? I remember... I remember thinking you were very funny and, y'know, attractive but didn't realise I actually _liked_ you until the concert, the last song in particular," Remus saw Sirius smile out of the corner of his eye. "What about you?"

"James and I's party. When Mary introduced herself, and I just felt very jealous. I was like, oh shit,"

Remus snickered. "Jealous of Mary?"

"Yep, and then when you said she wasn't your girlfriend and then offered me her number, god I was crushed,"

Remus sat up to look at him, blushing slightly. "Crushed?"

"Well, I don't know how many guys you've been interested in that you've tried to hook up with your friend, but it seemed a clear indicator that you didn't like me like that," Sirius grinned.

Remus buried his head in his hands. "Argh, I literally remember hoping that you didn't text her but still didn't connect the dots,"

"It's funny how oblivious you were,"

"Me? Oblivious? There was absolutely no indication that you liked me, at all," Remus raised his eyebrows in indignation.

"Are you kidding me?" Sirius spluttered. "Halloween? You still didn't realise after that?"

"I just thought you were drunk and I was 'someone',"

"You think I'm more of a slut than I actually am," Sirius teased but Remus stiffened - it hit the sore point which was starting to build up. 

"Should I feel offended that it was that ginger kid who made you realise and not me?" Sirius changed the subjects and raised an eyebrow. Remus lay back down on him, replacing his head on Sirius' chest, who then resumed playing with Remus' hair.

"Maybe," Remus murmured. "Is that why you were upset with me? Because you thought I went home with Gideon?"

Sirius laughed. "Yes, and then you went and thought I was homophobic,"

Remus blushed. "I guess I was anticipating some resistance when I realised, so I assumed easily,"

"Then turns out you _were_ gay but still didn't seem like you liked me,"

"It didn't seem like it? I'm a better actor than I thought," 

"Actually, maybe now that I think about it... You know you dropped two cans whilst talking to me for the first time?" Sirius snickered.

"You noticed that?" Remus blushed harder.

"How could I not?" Sirius laughed even harder. "They literally clanged as they hit the floor, I'm not deaf," 

He then quieted down,"Are you still angry with me for leaving you on your first day?"

"I was angry until about an hour into my next shift when I overheard why..." Remus said, honestly.

"Ah," Sirius said lightly. "Nice introduction to my family then,"

"Don't answer if you don't want to, but what was the intervention for?" It had been bugging Remus for a little while - some subconscious part of his brain had been checking Sirius for signs of a disguised drug habit.

Sirius sighed. "Nothing, really. Hard to explain if you don't know my family but they have these... 'values'. Which I don't follow. I haven't spoken to them in quite a few years, and then they tried to get me back in with that..." Remus pulled Sirius' wrist towards him and started to trace circles on the back of his hand, which caused Sirius to let out a low exhale. "I don't think I'm quite ready to talk about all that yet. I mean, James knows a bit but that's mainly from his first-hand experience, it's difficult to actually... explain,"

"I'm sorry about your family, Sirius," Remus murmured.

"It's okay. I'm sorry about your family, too," 

Remus let out a low chuckle. "Guess it makes things easier with 'coming out' and all," 

"Tell me about it,"

Remus pushed himself up and leaned in to kiss Sirius again.

\--<>\--

Saturday, November 16th

When Remus awoke, Sirius was already awake and sipping a mug of black coffee. He was also flicking through a book and intermittently chuckling to himself. Remus rubbed his eyes and sat up, blinking slightly from the light streaming through the curtains.

"Ah, you're awake," Sirius folded over the corner of his book and set his coffee down. "We have to leave soon, I'm afraid, there are old people to sell teabags to,"

Remus chuckled and stretched his hands above his head.

"However, we still have a little bit of time..." Sirius moved towards Remus and pulled him in for another kiss. Remus relented for a moment before, reluctantly, pulling away,

"I need to shower, Sirius," He mumbled as Sirius began to kiss down his neck. 

"Mhm," Sirius murmured against his skin and Remus sighed in contentment - he could shower after work.

Their shift was full of sly glances and sneaky kisses. James had also done a lot of grinning and pointed looks during the morning and Remus wondered how much Sirius had told James and made a note to ask later. 

Meanwhile, Remus, forever the over-thinker, was already anxious about the whole thing. 

They weren't exclusive - does that mean they weren't technically together? Like, was Sirius his boyfriend? Were they dating? Did they go on dates now, or go out to dinner together, or do couple-y things?

He willed himself to just enjoy it, and stop making himself get so worried, but he couldn't help it. However, every time Sirius snuck behind the tills to give Remus a kiss, he _did_ forget all his worries and just appreciated the fact that _kissing Sirius in secret at work was something he could do now._

He would never get tired of it. They'd each even had to use a concealer tester to hide the hickeys that were dotted around their necks and shoulders. 

Mary had texted Remus late last night to ask how the evening had went. Remus felt bad for not replying until the morning after so agreed to go out with her that night, and once the shop was locked up (and he had made out with Sirius for ten minutes in the backroom), he headed to her flat. 

"Come in, come in," She beckoned him in and into her bedroom, completely ignoring the roommate that was sat flicking through the TV channels in the living room. 

"I have news..." Remus said slowly, as he sat on the corner of the bed. Mary froze from her position in front of the mirror where she had been applying some eyeliner and turned to Remus,

"Good or bad?"

"Good. Well, mostly good,"

Mary squealed excitedly. "Tell me everything,"

Remus was secretly very pleased to tell her. This was something he'd dreamed about being able to say, "So, we may or may not have kissed..."

Mary squealed even louder (if that was even possible) and dropped her eyeliner pencil so that she could pull Remus into a hug. "Oh my god, I'm going to cry with joy on your behalf," Then she pulled back, looking a bit stricken. "Wait, what's the bad news?"

"We aren't exclusive," The reminder of that fact stung Remus a little bit. It was the thorn in his back of the otherwise perfect night.

"What? How come?"

Remus prepared himself before he went into the whole thing.

"Well... before I met them all, according to Marlene he was quite the player, coming into work in yesterday's clothes, all that jazz. He then went cold-turkey from dating and random hook-ups for a couple months before restarting that again around mid-October or something. Lily told me he's never had a relationship for more than a few months, and he said that he kind of does all that because he hates to be alone," Remus felt more and more gloomy as he recounted the information. "I just didn't want to scare him off by suggesting we start with exclusivity, I want it to be gradual. I'd hate to just be all serious and then him get scared and it all end,"

Mary was looking at Remus with a pitying look, and he looked away - Remus hated to be pitied. She sighed and sat next to him on the bed,

"I understand why you suggested it, I really do, but if it isn't actually what you want, then you should talk to him,"

"But what if it's worth it? What if all I need to do is go through a couple months of him seeing me and... a few others, and then we can be together properly and it'll be perfect?" Remus felt his voice crack even as he said it. "I guess that's assuming he doesn't meet someone better in the meantime, or we don't work out, even without exclusivity..."

Remus leaned backwards until he was lying on Mary's bed and staring up at her ceiling. 

"I don't know, Remus, my love, I really don't know,"

Even once the two had gone out and joined some of Mary's other friends, Remus couldn't help but think about where Sirius was, if he was at home or out, if he was in someone else's home, with someone else. If he was telling them the exact same things he said to Remus. Remus didn't understand why he couldn't just be... happy. Why couldn't things work out for him, for once? Why did he have to worry about everything all the time?

He couldn't voice this to Sirius. What if Sirius just thought he was clingy, or coming on too strong? What if Sirius _did_ like him, but only when he was able to dilute it with other people too? What if Sirius never wanted exclusivity?

Remus was miserable the whole evening, and Mary noticed, advising that he went home early, but Remus objected, knowing that sitting alone in his flat would be even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chapter today.


	18. Chapter 18

Sunday, November 17th (early hours)

"Come on, let's get you inside," Mary half-carried Remus through the front door of her flat. His arm was around her shoulders for support as she guided him towards her bedroom and was finally able to lay him on the bed.

"Mary... I'm so sad..." Remus whined as he lazily kicked off his shoes.

"I know, darling, I know," Mary rolled Remus over into the recovery position, pausing to stroke his cheek in a comforting manner. "You just wait here, I'll get you some water and some warm milk and then we can go to sleep, okay?"

Remus protested briefly, holding out his arms to make Mary stay but gave up quickly when his arms got too tired. She returned a moment later and Remus sat up very slowly to accept the drinks.

"Mary? Can you keep it down?" Remus and Mary both turned to see her roommate scowling from the doorframe. She had long blonde hair and eyes that were slightly too small; her lips could have complimented the rest of her face if they hadn't weren't permanently puckered into a frown. 

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, Caitlin," Mary said dismissively as she, too, kicked off her shoes.

"I have someone over and I'd rather we weren't disturbed until the morning, if you get what I mean?" Caitlin said in a rather clipped manner as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Course, have fun," Mary smiled up at her, but once the other girl left, she rolled her eyes. She pushed her door closed and turned around, her face in a similar frown to the one her roommate had had. "God, she can play music at bloody 3 am but the second I get home late, and it's all 'can you keep it down?'"

Remus sipped his water and nodded in a way that he hoped was comforting, but it really just caused him to choke on the water and he had to have Mary slap his back a few times. 

"Oh my god, can you hear that?" Mary said, her eyes wide. Remus listened hard. "I could have gone my whole life without hearing Cailtin doing _that_ ," Mary snickered. "I wonder who the poor sod is," 

"Don't be mean, Mary, I'm sure she can be a very nice person when she wants to be," Remus affectionately scolded.

"So, she just never wants to be a nice person in front of me? Also, scoot up," Mary pushed Remus onto one side of the bed and climbed onto the other side.

"How bad could she be?"

"Does basically no cleaning, always late on rent, likes to have hour long showers so the water bill gets driven up," Mary counted off on her fingers. "And that's not even mentioning the times that she has come into my room and 'borrowed' something. God, it's like having a sister,"

"My roommate is also usually late on rent," Remus yawned.

"Doesn't count if it's yourself," Mary raised an eyebrow and Remus grinned at her.

"It's annoying all the same,"

After a few moments of each laying back on the bed, Remus broke the silence,

"Mary?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I should talk to him? Tell him that I do want to be exclusive?"

"If that's what you want, then yes," It was a best-friend thing that all they had to do was say 'him' or 'her' and the other would know exactly who they were talking about.

"Okay. I will, tomorrow after work,"

Silence.

"He texted me tonight," Remus murmured.

"Oh?"

"Wanted to know where I was,"

"Hm?"

"I didn't reply,"

"Why not?"

Remus didn't respond. He didn't know why he didn't reply, he'd just watched the texts come in. I guess to some extent, he wanted to see when Sirius would give up asking - it took an hour or two but eventually he did. Remus couldn't decide whether he thought that was too short or not. In fact, Remus couldn't decide why he was even 'testing' Sirius in the first place.

It took him a while to fall asleep that night and it had very little to do with the... strange noises (for lack of a better term) from the room next-door. 

\--<>\--

Remus liked working on Sunday's at the Tesco. It was a shorter day, he got a lie-in whilst still feeling productive, it was usually relatively slow and he was typically home by 5:30. He'd slipped out of Mary's apartment without waking her up and took the bus to work. He opened up the shop, had a nice chat with Lily and set to work, humming a song that had been stuck in his head for a couple days. 

When he got home, he made himself some spaghetti bolognese and was generally feeling very 'zen' - the day had been the perfect mix of productive and relaxing. Maybe that was why he decided to invite Sirius over. Only, when Sirius texted back:

**sorry - busy tonite! another time?**

Remus' mood soured completely. Of course, it could be perfectly innocent. Remus shouldn't assume that Sirius can only ever be fucking other people and working at the shop, he could be doing normal people stuff like hanging with friends platonically or... yoga. Besides, wasn't it Sirius who had said that Remus thought he was more of a "slut" than he actually was? Just because Sirius couldn't hang out that night, doesn't mean he was _with_ other people. 

At least, that would be the logical conclusion to make. However, in moments of heightened emotion, Remus was unfortunately not a logical person. And so, he spent the rest of his evening until bed picking at the dinner he had made and watching old 'Have I Got News For You?' reruns, feeling very very miserable. 

\--<>\--

Thursday November 21st

Mary was waiting outside of Remus' lecture hall a few days later. She held out a takeaway-cup of breakfast tea to him and he took it as he hugged her in greeting,

"Hey, what are you doing here?" 

"You've been gloomy all week so we are having an impromptu self-care night," Mary linked her arm through Remus'. "And I knew that if I didn't jump you like this, you'd never agree to come,"

She was right, he wouldn't have agreed. Remus had already been planning a night of eating ice cream out of the tub and true-crime documentaries. 

"I haven't been gloomy," Remus protested.

"Sure, honey, sure,"

Remus rolled his eyes. He was right to a certain extent, he hadn't been gloomy - more like he'd had something close to a psychotic breakdown. The dreams in which he had confessed his feelings to Sirius and they had been requited were slightly different to the reality. For one, Sirius wasn't avoiding him like the plague in his dreams. It was _partly_ Remus' fault, I mean he _had_ switched his shifts and therefore only worked one day with Sirius, work had previously forced them to see each other. But the rest was certainly Sirius' fault. I mean, who was busy every night? What was he doing? _Who was he doing?_ Eventually, Remus stopped asking. The apology texts and cancellations were embarrassing, and something Remus was reluctant to continue. 

He confessed this all to Mary whilst wearing a cucumber face-mask and painting her nails for her. 

"So basically I have no clue what to do - I can't tell him I want to be all monogamous if he won't even see me,"

Mary frowned. "So he hasn't offered a time when he _can_ meet?"

Remus shook his head.

"What's his texts sounded like? Cold? Weird?"

Remus thought for a moment. "Not really. He _has_ sounded genuinely apologetic each time. I mean, some parts of me wonder if he just is genuinely busy. He never misses a Friday night works-drink so I know I'll certainly see him then..."

"But that is with everyone else," Mary pointed out. "The whole point is that you should spend time together _alone_ ,"

"You're preaching to the choir," Remus sighed. "Okay, other hand," Mary swapped hands and started blowing on the nails that were freshly painted.

"Can we pick up sushi from that place round the corner after this?"

"Yeah, sure, but I'll need to wash this mask off first,"

"Obviously,"

The pair stepped into the cold of the night and headed to the sushi shop, chatting as they went. 

"I feel like I just need some time to focus on me, and like, find myself, you know?" Mary said, speaking animatedly with her hands. "I haven't been on a date in, like, three weeks, how mad? And it's been so nice, just dressing up for _me_ and not having to worry about how other people think of me?"

"That sounds great, Mary," Remus smiled at her. 

"Right? I'm thinking I might go travelling at the end of the year, once I've gotten my degree-" Mary paused to thank the shop staff as she took their food. "-Maybe France,"

"That would be so nice, I'd miss you, though," 

"Naturally," Mary grinned.

They took the short walk back to Mary's flat and she unlocked the door, placing the food onto the kitchen counter. "Oh, looks like Caitlin's home, she's left her shoes in the middle of the floor again," Mary rolled her eyes.

"Do you not worry that she can hear you?" Remus said in a hushed voice.

"I don't care, it's not like she'd be shocked to find I think very little of her house-keeping skills," Mary paused. "Besides, she is definitely getting up to some... funny business again. It's been all bloody week, I swear to god,"

Yet again, there were... strange noises coming from Caitlin's room. Remus compensated by turning the TV on loud until they could only hear the particularly... loud noises.

"I'll swap you a California roll for one of mine," Remus said as Mary began pulling out the food.

She considered the offer. "Okay, deal. Can you get out the mango juice from the fridge? Cheers,"

They started on their dinner, laughing intermittently at the show they were watching when Mary put out a hand. "They've stopped, thank god,"

They heard a creak and Mary's roommate's door slowly opened, revealing Caitlin dressed in a long black t-shirt and cotton socks. She smiled coldly at the pair on her way to the kitchen and began fishing around in the fridge when another figure came out of the room. Imagine suspense music playing in the background as the figure said:

"Uh, Cait, can I get some water?- Oh shit," And there, stood in the hallway of Mary's flat was Sirius Black, shirtless, ruffled hair and in a pair of pyjama shorts and a deep red blush of embarrassment settling over his face. Remus could do nothing else but gape at him - he must be hallucinating, the noises that he had been hearing that night and the other were _not_ from Sirius Black. But only one glance at Mary showed that he wasn't making this up, because she had a very similar horrified expression.


	19. Chapter 19

Thursday, November 21st

No one moved for a whole ten seconds. Remus' brain was a flurry of thoughts and all he could do was stare agape at Sirius, who was stood half-naked in the hall. A sequence of emotions flickered over Sirius' face before eventually settling on sheepishness. 

"What the fuck..." Mary managed to stutter out, shattering the moment of stand-still. Remus stood up shakily, feeling that his knees may buckle at any moment and strode towards the front door. He took the stairs two-at-a-time, his throat raw and hot tears threatening to spill over - he hated anyone seeing him cry, and he certainly was not going to do so in front of Sirius for a second time.

"Remus, wait!" Remus heard Sirius call after him and quickened his pace, a thundering of footsteps coming from the staircase above. He reached the door for the building and swung it open, stepping out into the cold of the night.

"Remus!" Sirius called after him again once Remus had reached part way down the road. He was too conscious of fellow pedestrians to run but instead walked very quickly, wiping at his face with his hands as he went. Sirius did not have the same idea, for within seconds he had sprinted towards Remus and grabbed at his shoulder.

"Remus, I swear, its'-"

Remus swung around, his face hot with upset and anger. "If you tell me it's not what it looks like, Black, I swear to god,"

Sirius bit his lip and Remus noticed that his eyes were sparkling with tears, too. "I didn't mean to-"

"You just accidentally fucked my best friend's roommate with me in the other room? Did you slip and 'whoops!', you've accidentally fucked her?" Remus spat.

"You-you said we weren't exclusive," Sirius stammered, his usually cool and confident manner completely evaporated.

"That doesn't mean you have to fucking flaunt it! I had to listen to it for hours, and was it you as well on Saturday?" The tears which had been threatening to fall broke through the dam and tore down Remus' face, but he was too furious to even notice. "I said that because I was worried you'd get 'bored' or 'distracted' or whatever the fuck Lily said you usually get, didn't know it would be within the first week,"

"Remus, I-"

"Save it, Black. And don't speak to me ever again," Remus turned and continued walking to his building, leaving Sirius behind half-dressed and crying in the cold night.

\--<>\--

Mary arrived at Remus' building minutes after he had. She brought a duffel bag of her own stuff as well as the things that Remus had left behind )but been to embarrassed to get). As much as Remus wanted to be alone, he was pleased that he was actually able to get into his flat and not have to sleep it rough that night. Remus had decided that one night of homelessness was better than returning to Mary's flat for his keys and risk ruining his dramatic exit.

It was unspoken that Mary would be staying over that night. Remus knew that she'd insist upon it even if he refused, she'd want to keep an eye on him. But they didn't talk. Not a word. There wasn't really anything to say. He wouldn't be able to handle talking about it, he knew he would just start sobbing, but specifically 'not talking about it' seemed absolutely unbearable too. In the end, they played music to fill the silence. Mary would periodically get up to skip songs that were either too happy (and therefore unsuitable for this occasion) or too sombre (which she probably worried would drive Remus further and further into his pit of gloom).

Mary held Remus as they fell asleep, and he allowed himself silent tears as he began to come to terms with what had happened.

\--<>\--

Friday, November 22nd

Remus had never had the chance to ask Sirius how much James knew (he'd also never had the chance to say or do a few other things with Sirius but he was determinately not thinking about that). Whatever James knew, it was something, as he skirted around Remus like he was a china doll that was prone to crack at any moment. He certainly did not mention Friday night work drinks, which Remus had already decided there was absolutely no chance that he would attend. He wondered if Sirius would. Then he cursed himself for even thinking of Sirius, as it just brought back the tidal wave of sadness which he had temporarily manage to ward off through the banal monotony of customer service. 

If Remus wasn't already debating selling feet pics to help pay his rent, he'd consider quitting so that he wouldn't have to see Sirius at work tomorrow. But alas, Remus' feet would not be of use (at least, not in that way) and he would instead have to grit his teeth through the work day and try to distance himself from Sirius as much as possible - for someone who was in love with the guy, Remus sure did spend a lot of time planning how to avoid him.

But that seems to be the million dollar question - did Remus still love him?

On the one hand, although Sirius was good at many things but clairvoyance was not one of them. How was he supposed to know that Remus didn't _actually_ want him to see other people? Maybe Remus hadn't expected Sirius to actually do it, but he had said it was okay...

But then, on the other hand, there is plain common sense. If you _are_ going to see other people, it probably shouldn't be someone that would be irremovably in your life. Like, even if Remus and Sirius made up, they would never be able to go to Mary's again just in case Sirius "accidentally" fucks her roommate again. 

Remus was also stressed about something else. When he got home, he pulled out his calendar and used a marker pen to help lay out his thoughts. He arrived at Mary's flat at about 2 am on Sunday, the 17th - Remus circled this date - and heard 'strange noises' from Caitlin's room. In the days since, Remus texted Sirius to see if he was free that Sunday night, Monday and Tuesday (he circled the additional two dates) before eventually giving up texting him. Mary had also said that Caitlin's "funny business" (direct quote) had been happening all week. Remus also circled the Thursday (obviously). Is it safe to assume that Sirius being 'busy' was directly related to Caitlin's 'busyness'? What if he likes her more now? What if it's Remus that's the side chick? The chances were high, Sirius had never discussed 'boyfriend', 'couple' or 'relationship' things; probably because he'd done that with _her_...

Remus stared at the calendar page for a moment longer, with its four red circles before ripping out the page and throwing it out of the window. He'd just have to write his calendar appointments on his hand for the rest of the month.

\--<>\--

The preparation process for getting Remus to work on the Saturday was a rigorous one. It involved affirmations, yoga, writing 'I am strong and confident' all over the back of his university notes and twenty minutes of chain-smoking. And a bath. In the end, Remus was about twenty minutes late to work, significantly buzzed and feeling no less anxious. When he entered the shop, it was to see Lily, James and Sirius congregated behind the tills having a very intense discussion. The sound of his footsteps broke the group apart and they fell silent, just staring at him. 

Perhaps having had the experience of 'awkward extended periods of staring' from Thursday night, Remus found the emotional strength to break it early with a half-hearted wave and a strong stride towards the bathroom to get changed. He did not look at Sirius the entire time. 

That was the theme of the morning. Anytime that Remus' work duties took him too close to Sirius, he would turn 180 degrees and move to somewhere else. Anytime he thought that Sirius might be bold enough to try and talk to him, he sparked up a conversation with the nearest customer about absolutely anything, as long as it would make him seem busy. 

Remus counted James' half-shift ending as a halfway mark, a milestone, and was particularly excited to see Marlene saunter in. Ignoring Sirius kind of came with ignoring James - the two were best friends, inseparable, and even when they were (technically) separated, it still felt too.. similar. Marlene, meanwhile, could talk about absolutely nothing for hours, it was amazing. She'd also taken a particular liking to Remus, clinging to the only other person who hadn't grown up with the rest of them. 

He made it through the shift. It felt like A-Level results day all over again, but better, because Remus' four A-Levels had been significantly easier. The last hurdle was making it out the door without another blazing row on the street. Sirius and Remus usually stayed to close the shop together, and there seemed to be no way to communicate to Marlene without too much detail (which would probably make Remus cry) that she should close up instead. 

The second plan involved headphones. Remus cranked up the volume so high, as he began to lock up the shop, that it could be heard by passers-by. Although the reasoning behind it was that it would send the clear message of 'I absolutely do not want to talk to you', Remus was crushed that Sirius didn't even try. He didn't open his mouth once, didn't call after Remus when he left and (after a safe few metres) Remus turned around and saw that he was _actually_ leaving. _Why do you think he would chase you anyway..._

Being alone in his tiny flat on a Friday night, eating some pot noodles and listening to the rain outside felt very reminiscent to Remus' first year of university, before he met everyone at the shop. 

**Lily:** hope ur doing okay, Rem, we missed u last night!

Okay, well not exactly the same.

**Remus:** Thank you, Lily x 

But still. Similarly miserable. In fact, so miserable, that when they came an ear-deafening knocking on Remus' door, his first thoughts were: _Great, I'm being robbed, finally something different._

However. Robbers usually don't knock, so Remus scrambled up from his seat on the kitchen floor (perfect place for wallowing in self-pity) and cranked open the door to see... Sirius. Or rather, a soaking wet Sirius. In the moment it took Remus to register that he was in front of him, Sirius had pushed past him and was stood in Remus' kitchen. 

"How did you get up here?" Remus said finally. "I didn't buzz you in," 

"I waited until someone else came and let me in. I knew you wouldn't let me in, so I made it so you had no choice," Sirius shrugged but his eyes were wide and defiant. He reminded Remus of those boys who used to get in trouble for answering back to strict teachers. 

"They aren't supposed to do that..." Remus said lamely as he finally shut his front door, reasoning that he probably has too much dignity to physically push Sirius out. 

Sirius shrugged again. "So, are you ready?" 

"Ready?" 

"Yes, for us to talk. Go on, mentally prepare yourself," 

"You're worrying me..." Remus said, narrowing his eyes (and subtly drawing himself up to his full height of 6'4). 

"You had _said_ that we didn't have to be 'exclusive'," Sirius leaned back against the wall with his arms crossed in front of himself. "Was that just so you could go out with other people, but the second I do, it's wrong?" 

"I- Wait, what?" Remus spluttered. "Me? I'm not seeing anyone else!" 

"Yeah, right, as if you didn't flaunt that whole 'exclusive' thing just to prove that you have options," Sirius spat. 

Remus stood with his mouth wide open in shock for a moment, not even being able to find the words to say. He finally managed a, "What the fuck," 

"Not even denying it. And you got mad at me? At me?" Sirius rolled his eyes. 

Remus composed himself and spoke extra slowly, "The reason that I said that, about being 'exclusive', is because Lily told me you'd never been in a serious relationship before and tended to get 'bored'. So I suggested that so we could take it slowly. Only, I'd hoped you would've said no, but that's only because I didn't know you already had a girlfriend," Remus narrowed his eyes further to emphasise his point. Then it was Sirius' turn to look surprised. 

"How was I supposed to know that you didn't actually want us to see other people? You bloody well suggested it! I _did_ want to be all monogamous and couple-y but you ruined it by saying that! Besides, girlfriend? Girlfriend? I see a chick a couple times and suddenly we are married with kids or something?" 

"Couple times? Mary heard you guys all week!" 

"I saw that girl, Katie, was it? On the Saturday/Sunday morning and then Thursday and that's it. Whoever she heard the rest of the time was not me," Sirius was breathing heavily from the effort of shouting (which both men had been doing). 

"That is besides the point, why would you even hook up with my best friend's roommate!" 

Now Sirius finally looked sheepish. "I went to look for you on Saturday, because you weren't responding, and then I went to Mary's flat and the roommate - what is her name? Was I right with saying Katie? - offered me a few drinks, told me you guys would be back soon. One thing led to another..." 

"Un-fucking-believable. That's one time, what explanation do you have for the second? When I actually _saw_ you?" Remus yelled. 

"You stopped asking if I was free! You deliberately asked me on times I have my night-classes to make a big show of when you stopped answering because you were with other people!" 

"What? For fuck sake, I told you I didn't see other people! Besides, night-classes? I know nothing about that?" 

"Did I not tell you?" Sirius suddenly quieted. "Oh. I've been taking evening classes in business-owning..." 

"And that's why you couldn't meet?" Remus lowered his volume too. 

"Yeah," Sirius scuffed his toe against the floor, averting his gaze. "I am sorry about you seeing that... I genuinely thought you were doing it too, and I wanted to like, prove, that I wasn't desperate or something. But Remus... I do want to be with you. Seriously. Whatever Lily said, that's... that was different. None of them were like you," 

Remus stood still. He hadn't expected any of this. Sure, it still hurt a little bit to picture Sirius with Caitlin (although he was resolutely trying not to do that) but Sirius' explanation made sense. Remus should have asked Sirius what he wanted, not assumed. He wasn't to know that that was precisely what Remus didn't want - like Sirius said, it was what _Remus_ had "bloody" well suggested. And now... Now this was everything he'd ever wanted Sirius to say, everything he'd dreamed. Couple, exclusive, boyfriend... 

Only. Was it too late? Had the resentment that had built up since Thursday completely wasted away Remus' love for him? Was Remus' intrinsic distrust for Sirius a deal-breaker? Trust and communication was so important in a relationship, and the two's track record of 'good communication skills' was abysmal at best. Maybe they just weren't suited... 

Remus looked up at Sirius. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is approaching...


	20. Chapter 20

Saturday, November 23rd

Remus looked up at Sirius.

"I don't know if we've had much of a chance," He murmured, his voice barely audible. "It's like... one step forward, two steps back,"

Sirius' eyes looked slightly wet. "I'm sorry, Moony, for... for assuming. For not asking you what you really meant. I should've... I should've talked to you about it and not been so bloody immature,"

"I shouldn't have assumed either..." Remus wiped his hand over his eyes. "But, did you mean it? What you said? You _do_ want to be... y'know? Couple-y?"

"Yes, it's everything I want," Sirius walked towards Remus slowly, and took his hands into his own. Remus let him. "We... we know our 'issue' now. We just need to talk things through, and not overthink everything," Sirius raised Remus' hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles softly. "Please, Remus. Give us a chance,"

And how could Remus say no? With Sirius stood so close that he could smell his aftershave, his skin soft against Remus' hands, his lips even softer. His eyes, beseeching, so full of emotion. Pleading with Remus. But what Sirius didn't know, is that Remus had already decided that Sirius was everything he wanted too.

Remus reached out and held Sirius' chin with his hand and pulled him into a kiss. And somehow, it was even better than their first. Remus was intoxicated with the feeling of being in Sirius' arms, at his mercy completely. He felt such a deep love for the man in front of him that it made him dizzy; Remus was too anxious to confess such love but he showed it by kissing every part of Sirius' body and holding him close through the night, as they slept in Remus' bed, so close that when the morning came, they were intertwined and no one would be able to tell when each man ended and the other began.

"Remus, Remus, my Remus," Sirius murmured against Remus' lips.

\--<>\--

Sunday, November 24th

Sunrise woke Remus up but he stayed very still, careful not to disturb Sirius whose head was resting on Remus' chest. He absently stroked a hand through the long, black hair splayed across him and savoured the moment. He hoped he would never forget how he felt in that instance. 

Eventually, Sirius, too, stirred and when he blinked in the sunlight, he turned to Remus with a dopey grin that made Remus' heart swell with fondness. He reached forward and kissed the tip of Sirius' nose.

"Mhm," Sirius hummed happily and he returned his head to Remus' chest. They lay there together for another twenty minutes, again just savouring the moment. Just valuing the contact. Relaxing into it; any worries they may have had seemed so... distant. Irrelevant. Nothing else mattered. 

"You're thinking of something," Sirius remarked as he sat at the kitchen island once they'd eventually separated and gotten up. 

"I am, but..." Remus pursed his lips. "It's harder than I thought to be... communicative,"

Sirius nodded in agreement, before tilting his head slightly to one side. "Anything I can do to make it easier?"

"Just, don't look at me whilst I say it, I'll be more confident,"

Sirius grinned and swivelled in his chair so Remus was faced with the back of his head.

"Are we... Does this mean we..." Remus sighed, trying to find the words. "Fuck it, are you my boyfriend or what?"

Sirius burst out laughing and swivelled back, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "God, Lupin, you sappy git, when did you get so romantic?" He said, with a (very) sarcastic tone.

Remus rolled his eyes but he was smiling. "Answer the question, dickhead,"

"I can be anything you want me to be, Moony-kins," Sirius' smile widened. "So, yes,"

As much as Remus wished with all of his energy, he could not slow time and eventually the two parted ways to allow for Remus to go to work, and Sirius to go home. He couldn't stop thinking about him, though, and he hoped Sirius was thinking of him in return. Just the knowledge that _Sirius Black was Remus' boyfriend_ was enough to push Remus through the entire shift; he smiled at every customer, hummed songs from musicals and even offered to be the one to clean up the sick in Aisle 4. 

This did not go unnoticed - Remus was again reminded to ask Sirius how much James knew, because the guy had a similarly eager smile anytime he looked Remus' way. Remus may have been convinced that this was just an unrelated good mood, if James had not ended the shift by calling Remus his "brother-in-law" at one point (the phrase made Remus so happy that he grinned his entire way home).

He did stop to wonder whether this was too much, too soon. Whether the strength of his feelings only meant the breakup would be more painful when it happened. _If it happened_ Remus corrected himself. But although he did wonder, he dismissed the thoughts quickly. The pain would be worth the happiness that he felt in that moment. The pain would be worth the feeling that he got when he made Sirius smile, or laugh. _If it happened..._

Remus would trade all the luxuries in the world just to make Sirius happy everyday.

Although he said none of these things aloud, still conscious of Sirius' inexperience with serious relationships, he vowed to show it to him through his actions every chance he got, until one day he would be able to say it aloud. And hopefully hear it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short chapter, I know! But we are coming to an end - the next chapter will be an epilogue of sorts, and I plan to make it longer to make up for this chapter. I just wanted to prepare you that next chapter is most likely the last, so hang tight and thank you for your support <3


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter of my band AU fic is out now! Please go bookmark 'Found Me a Lover Who Can Play the Bass' so that you can find the new chapters when they come out - there might be a bit of a wait as I want it to be a little more organised than the publication of this fanfic has been but I promise that will pay off.

Sunday, December 22nd

Remus teetered under the weight of the duffel bags over his shoulder as he made his way down the stairs of James and Sirius' building and towards the running car parked askew on the side of the road.

"I think that's a double yellow, Siri," Remus shouted as he pushed the bags into the boot. Sirius was close behind holding a crate of wine and squeezed in next to Remus as he pushed it into the boot.

"Stop calling me Siri," Sirius rolled his eyes and Remus nudged him playfully,

"Lot in common, you two, both do whatever I say,"

"Only because you are so irresistible," Sirius turned towards Remus and pulled him in for a kiss, his hands reaching up to tug onto Remus' hair. 

"We are already late..." Remus murmured against his lips.

"Exactly, what's ten minutes more?"

Eventually, they separated and climbed into the car, SatNav booted up and well on their way out of London.

"So what are they like, then?" Remus was drumming his fingers against the dashboard in tune to the radio. "The Potters?"

"Words can't even describe," Sirius put his hands on his heart dramatically, causing the car to swerve slightly. Remus yelped but Sirius merely grinned and returned his hands to the wheel. "You know how they took me in? At sixteen?" Remus nodded. "They have always worked to make me feel as much of a son as Prongs,"

Remus turned to look at Sirius and smiled. "That's great,"

Sirius nodded. "They, er, know about us, too. I hope that's okay,"

Remus smiled again. "Course,"

The car ride was a few hours long, passed in pleasant conversation and occasional karaoke. Sirius was a... poor driver but he tried his best to drive straight, knowing that Remus was carsick and had to take at least two travel-sickness pills before entering any vehicle that Sirius was at the wheel of. To be fair to him, Sirius was not used to driving cars and had to remind himself that it wasn't a motorbike and he couldn't just nip around fellow drivers.

"It's our one month anniversary tomorrow," Sirius said softly, as they were about fifteen minutes away from the Potter's house.

"Yeah?" Remus grinned. "You got something special planned?"

Sirius hummed noncommittally and smirked slightly.

Remus turned to look out the window and admired the rolling hills and deep green of the landscape; he'd guessed that James had come from wealthy origins, but still hadn't expected the country mansion that had come up when Remus googled the address the night before. In person, it was even more magnificent. There were vines growing across the house, making it seem perfectly overgrown. There were window-boxes, a wreath on the front door and an apple tree off to the left of the front door. 

Sirius pulled up alongside the three cars that were already parked outside the house, spraying gravel across the footpath as he did. Remus climbed out of the car and stretched his long limbs, grateful to be breathing fresh air and out of the hell-trap that was a Sirius-Black-driven-car. 

"Sirius!" Remus turned to the source of the noise and saw a petite woman with greying hair tied back in a loose bun walking out of the front door. She was wearing an apron covered in flour over a long green maxi-skirt and blouse, and she wore a smile as welcoming and bright as her son's.

"Euphemia!" Sirius almost tripped scrambling out of the car in an effort to hug the woman. She embraced him before pulling back and holding him at arm's length, studying his appearance.

"Have you been eating enough?' She chided, using a hand to brush back a stray lock of hair.

"Yes..." Sirius mumbled, although Remus knew he was buzzing from the affection. The woman finally tore her eyes away from Sirius to welcome Remus into a hug too. He froze slightly before succumbing to it, melting into the comfort that he would learn a Euphemia hug could always provide. 

"Euphemia Potter, you must be Remus," She said.

"Thank you so much for having me," Remus smiled.

"Nonsense, nonsense, I've been desperate to meet you," 

Remus blushed slightly and turned to look at Sirius, who had been looking at the pair interacting like it was the single greatest thing to ever happen. James's dad, Fleamont, came out moments later to pull both men into a hug, too, before busying himself with their luggage. Once they'd entered the house, they found James and Lily already there, flitting around the living room with Christmas decorations. 

"I was right, right?" Sirius whispered as he came to stand with Remus at the entrance to the living room. "Kindest, most welcoming people you will ever meet,"

"You were right," Remus replied, stooping slightly to press a soft kiss to Sirius' forehead. Sirius smiled up at him and put Remus' hand into his own,

"There's a surprise, I'm always right," 

Remus scoffed, catching the attention of James.

"How long have you creeps been watching us!"

"Hours, my darling Prongs," Sirius smirked.

"I've missed you Pads," James tackled Sirius and they both fell into a hug on the floor.

"They saw each other this morning," Lily rolled her eyes and Remus grinned with her.

\--<>\--

Sunday, December 23rd

"I can feel you looking at me," Remus mumbled, his voice groggy with sleep. They had slept in Sirius' room (or rather, Sirius' old room) and Remus had found falling asleep particularly disconcerting from the feeling of being watched by the posters that covered every inch of the walls - they had bands, artists, some post-it note thoughts, a few pin-up models, and so on. 

"How can you always tell?" Sirius buried his head deeper into the crook of Remus' neck.

"What can I say, I have super senses,"

"I love your morning voice,"

"Is that why you always wake me up in the morning?" Remus opened one eye.

Sirius pouted, "I just get bored with you asleep,"

Remus rolled his eyes and squeezed his arms around Sirius, pulling him closer. "Happy one month, darling,"

The Christmas celebrations had started in full force at the Sirius/James apartment the second it was December, something which Remus could now see was apparent in Euphemia and Fleamont's house too. There were Christmas lights wrapped around the banister of the staircase, tinsel on every windowsill, snow globes on multiple surfaces and the house always smelt of home-baking. James' parents doted on the four young adults that were staying with them, spoiling them with buffet-like meals and little gifts leading up to Christmas. Remus wondered if the ageing couple are lonely and grateful to have some company. Remus also adored the way that Sirius blossomed under the Potter parents' affections.

Monday, December 24th

"It's Christmas Day tomorrow," Sirius said over a mouthful of toothpaste, as he stood beside Remus at the sink of Sirius' en suite.

"You seem like the type to wake up very early," Remus raised an eyebrow.

"How could you tell?" Sirius grinned. "You have to make the most of the day, Moony! Don't waste it sleeping in,"

"Mhm," Remus pulled on his pyjama top and began to make the bed for the night.

"I never liked Christmas Day, before the Potters. Black family holidays were nothing like these, just stuffy dinners and uncomfortable suits," Sirius followed Remus through to the bedroom. "What about you, Moony?"

Remus looked up at him. "My mum always tried but... by 3pm my dad was just drunk on the sofa watching E4 shows," He smiled sadly.

"Oh, Moony..." Sirius pulled Remus towards him.

"It's okay, just means this Christmas will be one to remember," Remus leaned in and kissed him.

And it was. Sat around the table in the Potter's dining hall with a full roast laid out, wearing paper crowns and one of the new woollen sweaters gifted from his friend's, Remus felt like he belonged. Like he finally had a family. With Sirius' hand on his knee under the table, Remus could do anything. 

Thursday, February 20th

As much as Sirius wouldn't admit to it, the guy was a bit of a snob. So when Lily and James finally decided to live together, and it was almost obvious that Sirius and Remus would use this opportunity to do the same, the two were rather left with the question of _where would they go._

Whilst seeing Sirius move from his and James' bachelor pad to Remus' shoebox would have been very funny to see, Remus indulged Sirius and looked into other places for the two of them to stay. Remus was torn between insisting on a 50/50 split of the rent - and considering that Remus' 50 was pretty much literally "50" at this point, their options would be severely limited - or allowing Sirius to pay more, as he had been trying to persuade Remus to let him do.

In the end, it was an easy decision when an apartment they looked at was almost perfect, and therefore Remus allowed Sirius to pay more for the rent. 

"Come on, let my family be good for something, Moony!" Sirius had insisted. 

The apartment had a balcony with a view even more beautiful than at the bachelor pad, it was too perfect to miss out on. There was even an extra room that could serve as an office, and it was the first room that was fully decorated when the two moved in. It gave Remus an immense amount of happiness to sit in the office working on an essay or some coursework, and then look over to see Sirius doing the same for his business class.

Once Remus had been reminded of Sirius' night classes in a context other than Sirius possibly cheating (but not technically), he was very interested in it. Sirius had a natural talent for business but had suppressed it, having only been funnelled into the kind of 'business' that his family approved of. It was after a series of self-reflection that Sirius decided to just go for it , and it was almost metaphorical the way he was able to use his talents for the exact opposite of what his family wanted him to. On their first night in the almost-empty apartment, with takeaway pizza boxes dotted around, Sirius had constructed a mood-board of everything he wanted to once he'd finished his qualification. Remus had never seen Sirius so passionate about something in his life. 

Moving in with Sirius was also very good for another reason - Remus had quit the supermarket full time. He'd gotten the internship he had applied for months ago and, although it was occasionally tedious, it was an amazing opportunity and even after weeks Remus still couldn't believe he'd beaten out all the other internships.

"I always knew you would get it," Sirius had said as he read the confirmation email over Remus' shoulder. 

"You didn't even know I'd applied," Remus chuckled.

"Believe in yourself more, Moony," Sirius kissed Remus' jaw.

"You make that easier..." Remus murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for seeing me through this! It's my first fanfic and it's been so nice to have this much support whilst writing it - again, please check out the new fic coming out, I'm really excited for it and I hope that you will enjoy it.
> 
> If you have any feedback for this fanfic, please let me know so that I can improve my writing in the future! And again, thank you <3


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